


Lucky

by queenofcats



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A lot of weird stuff to begin with, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Autism, I'm going somewhere with this fic, M/M, Masturbation, Rimming, but bear with me, but never fear, i guess, mild homophobia, oh and to start with Erwin thinks he's straight, this is set in like England, your eruri saviour is near
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-27 21:29:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5064898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofcats/pseuds/queenofcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new face had walked in, tall, muscular, blond, definitely Levi’s type. He only had one arm, though, but Levi wasn’t fussed about that. He had his own issues, so it was fair enough. And, Levi had to admit, it didn’t look weird for this bloke to have an arm missing. He wore his suit with one arm pinned up, which showed he wasn’t afraid to admit it. Levi liked that about him.<br/>This man, if Levi could call him that since he was more like a god or a statue come to life, had looked once in his direction, and he was hooked.<br/>Levi had wasted no time in asking Petra, the friendly waitress who seemed to know everyone that came in, who that man was.</p>
<p>---<br/>Basically an AU in which I indulge almost every single one of my headcanons and guilty pleasures. Tags will change as it progresses, and bear with me. I might not update regularly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, gosh, I imagine there's some sort of need for a trigger warning here. There's an almost anxiety attack thing happening, and fleas.

Shit. Oh, _shit_.

Hange had a bite on their neck. No, no _, three_. There were three bites on Hange’s neck, large, raised, white lumps.

Fuck, did he not get rid of them?

Before Levi knew what was happening, his breathing got faster, and he could feel his heart racing.

“Shit.” he mumbled, before becoming mildly hysterical. He tried to gulp down as much air as he could, feeling a little light headed.

Then he saw it, on Hange’s forehead.

He leant forward, and pinched it between his fingers. Only he wasn’t fast enough, and it jumped.

“Fuck!”

Hange’s eyes opened, to see Levi looking manic while pinching their forehead.

“Levi. Calm down.” they said instantly, their voice calm and steady. “Deep breaths, focus on my words, and repeat after me: There are _no_ fleas in this flat.”

Levi froze, and moved his hand away. He followed the black speck darting around Hange’s forehead with his eyes, but repeated their words all the same.

“There are... There are no fleas in this flat.”

“Good. Now close your eyes.” Hange said, smiling slightly. They sat up properly in their chair, as if they were about to move, but Levi knew that it was just in case he collapsed or something. It had happened before. So, Levi did as he was told, although he didn’t want to.

He began scratching his arm, a subconscious reaction to the idea of fleas in his nice clean flat.

“ _Levi_...” Hange said. He could imagine a sort of disapproving look on their face, an eyebrow raised.

He immediately stopped scratching.

“Go take a walk, okay? I’ll sort out my chair, and when you get back, you can take a shower or something.”

Levi nodded. His breathing had got a lot better, and his heart wasn’t thudding quite so loudly anymore.

He slowly shuffled away from Hange’s chair, and he grabbed his coat and shoes, practically bolting out the door once he had them on.

 

It was a really nice day out, although Levi couldn’t stop scratching his arms, his neck, or any skin that was showing, really. It was usual, though, for him to feel itchy after he’d had a hallucination.

It had been a couple of months, so long since he’d last seen a flea, so he wondered what was stressing him out.

A little voice in the back of his head told him exactly what was stressing him out, but he refused to believe- no, to admit- that he was hallucinating after a couple of months just because of some arsehole businessman that looked at him in a weird way.

Well, it wasn’t exactly the poor man’s fault. It was Levi. He’d kind of developed a bit of a crush on this businessman.

It had begun, funnily enough, a couple of months ago.

Levi had been in the café where Hange worked, and he had been sat there as usual after an episode, as he liked to call them. It sounded better than saying that he’d had a hallucination.

A new face had walked in, tall, muscular, blond, definitely Levi’s type. He only had one arm, though, but Levi wasn’t fussed about that. He had his own issues, so it was fair enough. And, Levi had to admit, it didn’t look weird for this bloke to have an arm missing. He wore his suit with one arm pinned up, which showed he wasn’t afraid to admit it. Levi liked that about him.

This man, if Levi could call him that since he was more like a god or a statue come to life, had looked once in his direction, and he was hooked.

Levi had wasted no time in asking Petra, the friendly waitress who seemed to know everyone that came in, who that man was.

Erwin Smith was his name, apparently, and he worked for some large corporation or something- Petra was a little fuzzy with details- but he was nice enough, donating to loads of local charities, and other shit like that. He’d lost the arm in an accident, but Petra again wasn’t quite sure what had happened. Petra also said that Erwin was old, about 38 or something, but Levi didn’t mind. He’d always liked the older man. Hange had once suggested it was because he had daddy issues, but he was fairly certain it was just because he got on with older people better.

Erwin had come in quite frequently after that, and he looked at Levi every single time for the next two months. Over the past few days, however, he hadn’t been there. Levi reminded himself that he had never met this man, and he shouldn’t be so disappointed that Erwin hadn’t been in to order his usual black coffee and blueberry muffin to go.

But it still stressed him out a little, because Levi liked seeing Erwin. It was only natural for him to develop some sort of attraction to the man, an attachment based on the fact that this totally handsome man looked at him every single day. People normally form a bond through routine, and this was no exception. Well, aside from the fact that Erwin was drop dead gorgeous. He hadn’t mentioned any of this at all to Hange, because they would have concocted some stupid scheme to get Levi to ask Erwin out. And, for all Levi knew, Erwin was straight, and dating some attractive, tall blonde woman with a smile that was permanently plastered all over her tanned face. He had often imagined that Erwin’s type of woman was his opposite in looks. And no doubt she would have the opposite personality to go with it- thick, friendly, _mentally stable._

Shaking his head free of that thought, Levi walked into the café, and surprisingly enough, there was Erwin, chatting away with Petra like he’d never disappeared for four days, six hours and thirty-seven minutes straight.

Levi, his fists in tight balls by his sides, walked up to the counter.

“Oi, Petra. The usual.” Levi said, not even daring to look up at Erwin. Sure, he’d just interrupted their conversation, but Petra was there to serve, not to chat. Even if Levi had spoken loads to her in the past, it was different when he wasn’t being served. Plus, he was in the presence of Erwin, and he wasn’t about to act nicely just for him.

“The usual, or the _usual_?” Petra asked, her eyes darting between Levi and Erwin. There was a specific order that he always placed after an episode, and Petra was a dear for remembering.

Levi raised an eyebrow, and Petra nodded.

She busied herself with preparing the tea and slice of strawberry cheesecake that Levi had ordered, while Levi spent his time looking straight ahead. He wasn’t gonna sit down, not a chance. He didn’t want Erwin to start chatting with Petra again.

“So, do you think you’d be free then?” Erwin asked. He had a beautiful voice; Levi was surprised to note, deep and smooth like sex in his ear. Okay, Levi wasn’t the best at analogies, but that’s what it sounded like. It’s just a shame he appeared to be asking Petra out on a date.

“No, I’m afraid I’m busy this whole week. I’m sure there must be someone who can babysit, though. Does your nanny not have any friends who could do it?” Petra replied. Perhaps not, Levi smirked internally like some sort of evil villain.

“I’m afraid they’ve all gone on holiday too.” Erwin sighed. Petra turned round, a tray in her hands. She smiled at Levi. No, no, no, he thought. Please, no.

“Hey, Levi, why don’t you babysit for Mr Smith?” she asked. Levi’s eyebrows knit together in one of his usual frowns, and he let out a small sound of frustration.

“You know I hate kids. Hange could do it, right? They love stupid, snotty brats.” Levi replied, rolling his eyes at the mere suggestion that he would be able to look after some idiotic child.

“Ah, well, you see...” Petra began, her face colouring slightly. “Hange’s busy all this week too.”

“Huh?” Levi couldn’t understand how Petra knew Hange’s schedule.

“Hange’s gonna be with me for the whole week.” Petra explained, her face still a reddish colour. Levi sighed. Of course. Hange had always had a thing for Petra... And now of all times they would start dating and all that other weird shit.

“Also, can I point out here that my son is not a stupid, snotty brat? He is a smart and well-mannered young man.” Erwin cut in. He didn’t sound pissed off, interestingly enough. He sounded... amused?

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Levi said. He grabbed the tray from Petra’s hands and began to walk off.

“You’d get paid for it.” Erwin called after him. Levi stopped still, aware that the blond’s eyes were on him. His shoulders dropped and he sighed again.

“Sit with me and we’ll talk about it, Smith.” Levi replied, turning his head to show his displeased look. “I’m not promising anything, but...”

“Of course. You’ll need to be informed of what exactly you need to do first.” Erwin said, with an understanding tone to his voice. “Also, please, call me Erwin.”

Levi shrugged, and sat down at his usual table by the window. Erwin followed, sitting down almost nervously opposite him.

“So, your son...” Levi began, an eyebrow raised. He picked up his fork and began to stab at the cheesecake on the small plate. He was well aware of just how handsome Erwin was, right up close, and he was also well aware of the thudding sound of his heart.

“Yes, my son...” Erwin began, his mouth twisting as if he was trying to think of the right way to start off. “His name is Armin, he’s fifteen years old, and he only needs you to come round in the mornings and evenings, although you’re welcome to stay for the whole week. Usually we’d have a nanny, but she and her friends have decided to go on holiday, and well, they deserve it. They all work very hard, but I’m afraid I just can’t leave my son alone for the whole week. I have a business trip to go on, which is why I can’t do it. I will pay you any amount you want if you do this, since I don’t think I’ll be able to find anyone else on such short notice.”

“Well, this all sounds very nice, but how do you know I won’t... murder him or something? You don’t know me-”

“Nonsense. Petra has spoken about you before. She actually mentioned you first when I asked her about it. She said that you’re a very responsible man, and you’d be up for the job.” Erwin interrupted.

“Petra’s been talking bullshit.” Levi said. Then he saw the disappointed, almost sad look in Erwin’s very blue eyes. Shit.

Levi rolled his eyes, before nodding. He scratched at his neck a couple of times, the itchy feeling that carried over from an episode still present. Erwin noticed the rough way that Levi’s short nails scraped at his delicate looking skin, but said nothing about it.

“Sure, whatever. Just tell me when you need me, and I’ll show up.” Levi said. He was secretly a little pleased, especially if he could stay over. He needed to get out of the flat, since he was afraid of seeing things there again. That’s usually how he felt after an episode, but now he had an escape from it. And surely this Armin kid couldn’t be too bad?

After sorting out all the small details, including where he and his son lived (the posh part of town, of course), Erwin handed Levi his business card, a nice cream coloured thing, not too fancy. Levi wondered if Erwin and his friends sat round comparing them, American Psycho style.

“Thank you so much, Levi. Well, I won’t see you again till I get back next Saturday, but Armin will see you tomorrow, right?” Erwin smiled, extending his only hand for a handshake. Levi shook it, nodding.

“Yeah, tomorrow, 9pm sharp.” he replied. The blond had only smiled wider at Levi’s semi-enthusiastic tone. It was a good smile, he had to admit.

“Well, then, goodbye.” Erwin said, standing up to leave.

“Yeah, see ya.”

Erwin left, and Levi sighed. He wasn’t looking forward to looking after some brat, but if it would get him a little closer to Erwin, and it was gonna get him paid, he didn’t mind.

He could definitely do with the money, since at the moment he was pretty much living off Hange and their small wage from working at the café, and he didn’t like being unemployed. It was frustrating, especially given how well-qualified he was. For some reason, he never got any of the jobs he applied for.

But, maybe this was the beginning of some sort of lucky streak.


	2. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awww, Levi and Armin bond a little here. Plus, Erwin's past becomes (hopefully) a bit clearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna spend more time editing this... But, like, it was decent enough, and people like the lovely ones who have commented seemed to like it and because I'm not used to that sort of reaction, I'm gonna shove this out now.  
> There are a few mentions of a car crash, but I don't know if it's enough to warrant any sort of trigger warnings.  
> Also, the next chapter will be mainly about Erwin, just in case people got bored with Levi's point of view.

Sunday, 9pm. It came around quickly enough for Levi, and he hadn’t been worrying about it, rather surprisingly. He’d stayed round Petra’s small three-room flat above the café. She was always happy to have him round, especially after Levi saw things and didn’t feel comfortable staying at his own flat.

Hange had been alerted to what would be happening, and they seemed rather pleased to have the flat to themselves for a week. Levi dreaded to think what would happen while he wasn’t there. At least he didn’t have to deal with them and their weird special interests any longer.

He spent the day preparing his bag, and filled it with clothes and other useful things. He didn’t want to have to use any toothbrushes or whatever that weren’t his own.

Petra drove him to the Smiths’ residence, a large house that had a huge driveway. They even had a small fountain feature, surrounded by slate chips. It was almost sickening how lovely it all looked. One thing stood out, though, or rather, didn’t stand out at all because it wasn’t there. There were no cars. _Weird._

A small-ish kid stood waiting at the door, an anxious look on his eerily familiar face. That was Armin. He did look a lot like Erwin, the same bushy brows, blue eyes, and blond hair.

He waved at the car, and Levi got out with his bag, waving back. Petra smiled, and said her goodbyes before driving off.

Levi walked up the driveway, to the small gate that led to the front door. Armin opened it for him, and said a nervous “Hey”.

“Hey. I guess you’re Armin, right?”

“Yeah, and you must be Mr Ackerman. My dad told me _all_ about you.” Armin smiled. He still looked quite nervous, so Levi returned a small smile.

“Please, call me Levi.” he said. Armin nodded. He quickly hurried inside, and Levi followed.

The house was amazing. The walls in the hallway were painted white, but had the most bizarre paintings hanging from them. Quite expensive too, if the signatures Levi saw were anything to go by.

The whole place reeked of middle class wealth, and Levi had to wonder if perhaps Erwin went hunting at the weekend with old friends from Eton, or some shit like that.

“Please, make yourself at home. Feel free to look around, and get adjusted to where everything is.” Armin said, his voice sounding a little odd. Shuffling slowly into the kitchen, Levi saw why. Armin was reading off of cards. He frowned slightly, before remembering one of the things Erwin had mentioned.

Armin had Asperger’s. Erwin had initially mentioned it imagining that Levi would be put off by it, but to his surprise, Levi simply nodded. Hange had it too, which was why Levi wasn’t fazed at all by the condition. He could deal with it, although as he had once mentioned to some dipshit who dared make fun of Hange’s stimming, if you’ve met one person with autism or Asperger’s, you’ve met one person with autism or Asperger’s. He knew that Armin wouldn’t be the same as Hange, but he knew he could do a decent job of looking after him.

“I will. Thank you, Armin.” Levi said. He wandered around the house for a bit, taking in the giant rooms that made up the downstairs.

Erwin must be rolling in money. Like, the place was ridiculous. It almost didn’t look real, like it was out of some glossy magazine for nosy wealthy people.

One thing that caught Levi’s eye was a picture of Erwin and Armin. It must have been taken a while ago, since Erwin had both arms, one hand on Armin’s shoulder, and the other around a third person in the picture, another male. The man was tall, taller than Erwin, and he had straw blond hair parted in a weird fringe. He had a calm expression on his face, although he looked almost out of place compared to Erwin and Armin. They were both grinning wildly. Well, Armin looked like he was about five years old in the picture, still a drooling mess of a child, but he definitely looked happy.

Levi immediately assumed that the other man was some relation of Erwin’s, maybe a brother, or something. He hoped a little bit that he was Erwin’s husband or something, but knowing his luck, he’d be straight. Anyway, judging by the fact that Erwin had both arms in this photo, it was before the accident. Maybe that’s why this man wasn’t around. Perhaps the accident had killed him, and cost Erwin an arm.

He frowned a little, though, at the fact he was trying to analyse a random photo. Maybe Armin needed him to do something. Hange had a routine of what they did each night, and it would be polite to ask Armin if it was the same for him.

“Armin, is there anything you need me to do now?” Levi asked.

“Today’s Sunday, so can we watch a film?” Armin called from the kitchen. Levi nodded, before realising that Armin couldn’t see him.

“You don’t need to ask, you know.” he replied. “It’s _your_ house. You make the rules. I’m just a guest here.”

Armin came out of the kitchen to the lounge that Levi had found himself in.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t want to sound forceful.” Armin said, sheepishly. Levi smiled slightly.

“It’s cool. Your dad told me about your Asperger’s. My roommate has it too. They like routines and shit, so I figured you might be the same.”

Armin flushed visibly, nodding.

“Is there a particular film you want to watch?” Levi asked.

The blond stood for a minute, his red cheeks getting darker.

“Look, if it’s that embarrassing, I won’t watch it with you. I’ll clean up or something.” Levi said. “Although, I’m pretty much open to watching anything, except for porn, but only because it’s not really my thing.”

A nervous chuckle came from Armin, and he walked over to the tall DVD shelf that stood on one of the walls. There must have been over a hundred films on it, all of them organised alphabetically. Levi had to admit, things in alphabetical order were a soothing sight. He could get used to living here.

The boy reached up to one of the upper shelves, grabbing a black box set from it. He set up the X-Box, sliding the one of the discs in.

“Uh, do you mind watching a film with subtitles?” Armin asked, taking his place on one of the plush sofas in the room. It was a dark wine colour, positioned right in front of the TV. Levi sat next to him, maintaining a healthy distance between the two. He knew that if Hange was anxious about something, they didn’t like him being too close. Well, he didn’t like being too close to them anyway, but they tended not to hug him quite as much.

“No, I don’t mind at all.” Levi replied. “My roommate watches anime all the time, so I’m used to it.”

Armin’s eyes lit up.

“Well, maybe you know this. It’s the live action version of Death Note, but it’s the second film in the set.” he said, his fingers twitching very slightly. Levi noted that as one of Armin’s stims, and judging by it, it was a happy one.

“Yes, I do. I’ve only watched the anime, though, never the live action film. It’s good, right?” Levi said.

“Oh, _very_ good. It’s my favourite film ever. The actors do a brilliant job of bringing the roles to life, and the plot does deviate slightly from the original, but it’s a fantastic ending. Oh, well, let’s watch it.” Armin said, looking towards the screen.

Levi sat back, relaxing into the sofa. It must have been worth a fortune, but it was money well spent.

He watched about five minutes of the film before he realised that Armin was mouthing along with all the lines. He knew the entire film off by heart. And it was in Japanese. Erwin was right, his kid _was_ smart. Levi knew better than to mention it, since he didn’t want to embarrass Armin or anything.

About half an hour later, Levi was asleep. It was only 9:39pm, but he was exhausted. The past night he hadn’t slept well, understandably, so his body probably needed it.

Armin seemed less than happy, and prodded Levi to wake up after pausing the film.

“Mr Ackerman, please wake up.” he said. Levi awoke with a start.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” he mumbled.

“It’s okay. I just don’t like being alone here.” Armin replied. He looked a little awkward admitting it, and Levi knew that he probably shouldn’t ask why.

“Alright. I won’t fall asleep again. I wouldn’t usually be asleep at such an early time; it’s just that last night I didn’t sleep too well.” Levi said.

“Really? Do you have nightmares?” Armin instantly looked ashamed having said that. He must have thought he was prying too much, or something.

“No, I don’t have nightmares.” Levi replied. He thought he might as well be honest about what was wrong. “I have some sort of anxiety condition and I occasionally have hallucinations because of it. Yesterday I tired myself out because I had one of those hallucinations. Do you think that’s weird?”

The blond boy looked thoughtful before speaking.  
“No, I don’t. I think that makes your brain really cool. Like, I wish I could see things that aren’t really there. Dad used to say that he could feel and sometimes see his arm after he lost it, but it’s not the same as what you’re saying.”

“And do you think that I’m capable of looking after you still?” Levi asked. He appreciated the way Armin had replied. He didn’t think that his brain was cool, but it was nice that Armin didn’t think it was weird.

“My dad trusts you. I trust my dad.”

Nodding at the kid’s words, Levi stood up.

“Do you want a drink or something?” he asked. Armin grinned.

“Yes, please. There’s chocolate milk in the fridge if you don’t mind pouring me out some.”

The kitchen still amazed Levi. It was a large room, slate grey flooring that looked like it had cost quite a bit, deep red walls that had a sort of newly painted look to them, gleaming granite countertops. Erwin really must have been making _a lot_ of money.

Once Levi had found the milk, and two glasses to pour it into, he was interrupted by Armin, who sat down at the small island in the centre of the room.

“Aren’t we in the middle of watching a film?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow at the boy. 

“Oh, yes. But my dad doesn’t like me eating or drinking in the living room. He doesn’t like things being messy.”

“Wow. I could get along with your dad quite nicely.” Levi mused, walking over to the island and setting down the milk on it. Armin looked a little puzzled at Levi’s words, but shrugged.

“He doesn’t really have any friends, so maybe it’s a good thing that you think you’d get on with him.” he replied, taking the glass that had been pushed in front of him. “The last time he had any friends was when my uncle died.”

Levi nodded.

“That’s your uncle in that picture, right?”

“Uh, well, yeah, it was. Uncle Mike died in a car crash. That was when Dad lost his arm.” Armin explained, looking uncomfortable. He sipped his milk gingerly, like Levi had potentially poisoned him.

Levi sighed. That was an _awful_ thing to go through. Levi’s mind began to wander again. Maybe Erwin felt guilty about the crash, having survived while his brother died.

“I’m sorry.” he said. Armin shrugged.

“It was a while ago. About 10 years. I don’t really remember anything that happened. My dad seems pretty over it too. I sometimes miss having my uncle around, since he was kind of like a second dad to me, especially when the other kids at school talk about their own parents, but I remember that I’m always gonna be different to them, so it doesn’t bother me much.” The boy seemed more at ease with the conversation, although not completely comfortable.

Levi drank some of his own milk. He sat down at the island too.

“My uncle-” he began, having put the glass back down on the counter. Armin interrupted him with what must have been a laugh, although it sounded more like high-pitched, squeaky hiccups.

“What?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I-I’m sorry, Mr Ackerman, but you have a milk moustache.” Armin giggled.

Levi’s face sort of broke into a smile. It was one of the rare times he had something to smile about, because there was something amazing about how this poor kid had gone through a lot, but was able to laugh at something a small as a little bit of milk on a stranger’s upper lip.

He wiped at it with his hand, but Armin, and Levi himself, strangely enough, carried on laughing for a few moments afterwards.

Levi was worried, however, that even though Armin seemed happy now, he might get a bit antsy if his routine was broken for too long.

“Alright, tell you what kid, we’ll take these drinks back to the living room, carry on watching the film, and if any mess is made, you can blame it on me, ‘kay?” Levi said. Armin nodded, still beaming from the milk moustache incident.

They walked into the living room, Armin leading the way, and Levi was almost a little jealous of how tall the kid was. To be honest, though, it was hardly Armin’s fault. He had genetic material from both Erwin and Mike, so _of course_ he would end up being tall. Erwin had to be about 6”2, and Mike was a few inches taller, judging by the photo. The kid didn’t know how lucky he was to be related to a family of giants.

He did wonder what Armin’s mother was like. Maybe she was tall too. His mind thought back to what he imagined Erwin’s type to be, and those words gnawed away at him again- thick, friendly, and mentally stable.

Armin quickly sat down on the sofa again, clutching his drink carefully in his hand, almost as if he didn’t trust himself with it.

“Look, Armin, don’t worry if you spill it. I like cleaning. I’ll clean up so well that your dad won’t know you spilt anything, alright?”

Levi joined the blond on the sofa, relaxing again into it like it was an old friend. Armin nodded hesitantly.

“Alright, thank you, Mr Ackerman.” he said, and with that, he put the film back on.

The remainder of the time left on the film was spent, by Levi at least, thinking.

The past day or so seemed a little surreal. So, first of all, he had a hallucination, which hadn’t happened in months. But, the rest of what had happened was fantastic. Like, as if he was summoned by Levi’s thoughts, Erwin Smith, the hunky businessman that Levi had developed a small crush on, had reappeared after a few days away, and invited him to stay and babysit at his house for a week. Erwin Smith, whose kid was actually really nice. It was like a dream come true.

Levi was certain now that he had managed to tip the karmic scales in his favour. Perhaps all of his hardships had _finally_ meant something in the eyes of the universe.

It did sound a bit ridiculous, now Levi thought about it, but he didn’t care. He would follow Hange’s horrid advice and just ‘go with the flow’. He hated that expression, but now he thought it seemed pretty useful. That’s what he’d do. Go with the flow.


	3. Get Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin has some alone time, and thinks of a certain black haired stranger. Pixis is also on hand (not literally) to give some advice, of sorts. And, selfie time!

Erwin’s journey to London was rather uneventful. He took the train, which was something he enjoyed doing. He may have been rich, but he didn’t exactly have a chauffeur driven car or anything. Besides, he hated travelling in cars.

He did struggle with his suitcase, dragging it behind with his one good arm. But, overall it wasn’t too bad.

The main thing that was causing him concern was the fact that he had basically allowed a stranger to live round his house for a whole week. In fairness, Levi Ackerman was no stranger to him, as Petra, the delightful waitress who worked at that quaint little café that he’d grown rather fond of, had pretty much told him this man’s whole life story over the course of two months.

He had listened politely to begin with, but as Petra carried on, Erwin found himself genuinely fascinated by the man she spoke of. His father had apparently committed suicide when he was seven, leaving behind him, his mother, and two siblings. A few years later, when Levi was only about 13 or 14, his mother had abandoned them, leaving her brother to look after the three kids. His two younger siblings had been put into care, but Levi had been allowed to stay with his uncle.

None of this had stopped Levi from excelling at school, as Petra was happy to point out. Hange had gone to the same schools as he had, and they had often spoken about how he had essentially passed everything with flying colours, without the need to revise or anything. The boy- well, man- was a genius. But, all geniuses had their problems. Because of his horrid upbringing, Levi had some issues. Petra assured Erwin that he wasn’t a violent criminal or anything, and that he had control over his anxiety and what she called ‘mild OCD-like tendencies’, but it was nice to know actually that there were people about that were just as damaged as Erwin was, if not more so.

Erwin was completely intrigued by the man, mental health issues and all. It couldn’t have come at a better time, too, since Armin had been insisting that he needed new friends. Apparently his latest string of girlfriends wasn’t satisfying his son’s worries about him.

He admitted it himself; he was trying to fill a hole in his life. All of his problems started exactly 13 years ago. That was when Armin turned two. His mother, Erwin’s beloved wife Marie, had walked out on them right after Armin had got his diagnosis. She couldn’t bear the thought of her child being less than normal.

That hurt, it really did. The fact that so four years of marriage meant nothing to her because her son had a disability? It was awful. Erwin compressed any feelings he had about it, and threw himself into being the best father he could be for Armin.

His brother Mike had moved in with them to help out, and it had been great. Two dorky men looking after a kid was a recipe for fun, Erwin thought. He smiled to himself as he remembered all the fun times they’d had. He was glad he was in his hotel room, otherwise he would have looked rather weird. To be honest, he’d always been called creepy, so it wouldn’t have mattered.

That changed, though, when the accident happened.

Erwin frowned. He had promised himself he wouldn’t think about it too much. He was alone though, so he didn’t have much else to occupy his mind with.

He stood up, and unzipped the suitcase that had been left at the side of the room. Underneath the piles of clothes, and other items, were his magazines. Even at the old age of 38, he still had a need for alone time. The maid hopefully wouldn’t choose now to knock, he hoped.

He took his seat back on the bed, a large king-sized one, plenty of thick pillows to rest his weary head on. The magazine was one of his favourite ones, he’d kept it purely because it was a special ‘blonde’s edition’. Erwin had always had a thing for women with blonde hair. It always looked so lovely. Marie had been blonde, and she’d also had blue eyes.

He flicked to the page he usually used. He’d managed to devise a way of reading those magazines with only one hand, a hand he would need for other purposes. He sat with his legs bent, resting the magazine on them. That way he could use his hand to go through the pages, but then he had space to get it out and pleasure himself.

The page he was fond of had a blonde woman spreading her long, shapely legs for the reader, a flirtatious smile on her face. She was Erwin’s favourite. The other women on the page had never caught his attention, but now he was allowing his eyes to wander.

There were mainly blondes on it, seeing as it was a blonde special edition, but there were some brunettes on the page, and one girl with black hair.

_But she doesn’t have grey eyes._

Erwin frowned at that seemingly random thought. He wondered why on Earth he’d associate black hair with grey eyes. He didn’t even know anyone with black hair, did he?

Oh, right. Levi had black hair, and he had grey eyes. That was where the association had come from, Erwin was sure of it. But thinking of Levi was a sure-fire way to soften his semi-hard cock, so Erwin focussed on the blonde in the centre of the page. Yes, that did it. He carried on reading until he was fully aroused.

He tugged his trousers open, allowing his cock to spill out. He’d always been pretty proud of his size. It wasn’t the longest cock, but it was thick. He’d seen many when he was a young lad, since he and his friends use to measure whose was biggest. Erwin had never felt ashamed of his dick, and the many women who’d tried it out over the years never had any complaints either.

He noticed a few beads of pre-come accumulating on the head of his cock, and used that to add some lubrication to his strokes. It didn’t take him long to jack off to the images he had in front of him, but not to the blonde woman he usually looked at. No, as Erwin’s eyes scrunched shut in pleasure, all he could think of was silvery grey eyes and silky black hair.

 

The next morning, Erwin woke up with a pounding headache. It was 8am. He had an hour to kill before his first meeting. That was fantastic. He usually worried that he’d be late, but so far he’d never actually done it. Perhaps his subconscious was as worried about his career as he was.

As he sat up, bleary eyed and a little disorientated, a wash of shame poured over him. Last night, he’d jacked off to a man. That was a little gross, wasn’t it?

_No, no. It wasn’t... Levi. I was thinking of that new intern we have, Mikasa, right? She looks like him, actually, and they have the same last name. Hm, makes sense. No, it doesn’t make sense. Why would I- Oh, leave it. Think of something else. Big tits. Yeah, that’s it._

He rolled over and sat up, the thoughts of what he’d done causing him to feel a little sick with embarrassment. Erwin kept trying to reassure himself that he hadn’t been thinking of Levi last night, but it wasn’t working. He stood up and walked into the ensuite bathroom. A perfect distraction looked back at him from the mirror. For a handsome man, Erwin looked rough. He wasn’t the greatest at travelling, even if it was a train journey that only lasted a couple of hours. Still, the dark shadows that were left over from his last trip, and the fact he rarely slept at a decent time anymore, had fully blossomed into bags under his eyes, and his stubble had grown to ridiculous amounts. Even his eyebrows, which he took great pride in, looked a little out of shape.

“You’re a mess.” he said, running the tap to splash some water on his face.

After he’d finished the rest of his morning routine, Erwin walked back into his bedroom to change. He had adapted in the years since the accident to be able to change with just one hand, and it was easier than it looked, surprisingly.

It was just another reminder, however, of how different he was to every other person he knew. That’s not to say Erwin Smith was a man who was averse to differences, as he felt he was fairly tolerant of people who weren’t like him, but he didn’t like being different from the norm himself. His father had taught him a lot, and one of the golden rules was that appearances are everything. If he stuck out from everyone else, it should be for a good reason, like making a lot of money, or marrying into a good family. Not for having one arm, a disabled son, and wanking over another man.

Erwin shook his head. He needed to stop dwelling on it. It was a mistake, and it would never happen again. He couldn’t lie to himself, Levi had piqued his interests, but in a purely platonic manner, surely? The man had a fascinating mind, from what Petra had told him, and as other men went, he wasn’t too bad looking. But Erwin was straight. He had no problem with gay people, he knew that much, but he wasn’t gay himself. He just wasn’t used to men as interesting as Levi. That’s what it was. Every other man he knew was the same, so it was no surprise that someone like Levi had managed to get into his head. And it wasn’t like Petra had helped the situation, giving him every single bit of information she knew about him.

A knock on the door shook him from his train of thought.

“Hang on a minute.” Erwin called.

“Alright, Smith.” a voice chuckled. He recognised it instantly. “I understand men need their private time, right?”

“Pixis?”

Erwin immediately rushed to the door, opening it up to see the old man, his familiar mustache and wrinkly face shaped in a grin. He and Erwin went way back, as Pixis was a friend of his father’s. They worked for rival companies, but they were still good friends.

“No one else is crazy enough to knock on your door so early in the morning, are they?” Pixis laughed.

Erwin pouted childishly at that, and Pixis laughed even harder.

“What brings you here anyway? Aren’t you meant to be in New York or something?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, well, I decided that talking with you and your company would be beneficial for my own, more so than chilling in a hot tub with three gorgeous women.” Pixis smiled. Erwin rolled his eyes.

“Alright, well, I’m almost done, so we can go grab a coffee before we head off properly.” he said, adjusting the top buttons of his shirt. There was no way he could tie a tie with just one arm, so he made sure to look presentable otherwise.

Pixis nodded.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, actually, Smith.” he said, watching Erwin come out from the room, and shut the door.

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Really? How much do you need this time?”

Pixis chuckled again, a deep, husky laugh. It had that particular sound from the indulgent lifestyle he led; cigarettes, sex, and alcohol.

“No money this time. I just wanted to know if you were opposed to having a baby named after you.” he replied.

“What? Whose? Oh, God, Pixis, don’t tell me it’s yours-”

“No, no. Not mine. It’s my son’s. He and his husband have decided to adopt, and their dear baby needs a name. I was the first one to be consulted, of course, and I felt that Erwin is a good name for a child.” Pixis explained. Erwin nodded, taking in the information. They reached the lift, and Pixis pressed the button to go down.

“What do you reckon?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. I am a little shocked that you decided to give some poor kid an old man name, but...” Erwin trailed off.

“That’s not the only thing that’s bothering you, is it?” the bald man pressed, an eyebrow raised. The lift doors opened, and both men stepped in.

“Well, I didn’t know your son was gay.” Erwin sighed. Pixis immediately frowned.

“Erwin, I’ve known you since you were a small boy, and I know your father raised you to be open minded. Don’t you dare start spouting homophobic nonsense.” he said. Erwin paled a little.

“No, I’m not going to be homophobic. It’s just-”

“I’d rather you came out to me when we had coffee, not in a grimy lift.” Pixis smiled, with a small twinkle in his eyes.

Erwin huffed, his shoulders drooping.

“I’m not gay.”

“Well, I’m not going to judge you if you are.” Pixis said. “Just remember this; it’s a known fact that no human is exclusively one way or another. Even I have had an... experience of sorts.”

Erwin stared at Pixis like he’d just grown an extra head. Dot Pixis, world’s greatest womaniser, having had a gay experience?

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope. It was rather enjoyable. I can’t seem to remember the poor man’s name, but he had a very tight arse.” Pixis said. His eyes now had a faraway look in them, and it seemed like he was reliving the experience.

“Oh, God, seriously, stop.” Erwin protested. “I don’t want to know about any of your sexual escapades.”

Pixis looked at Erwin knowingly, but said no more on the subject. The rest of the journey down was spent in comfortable silence. However, their conversation had brought up many things for Erwin to mull over. For a start, did he really seem gay? Pixis’ first thought was that he was coming out, so did he seem that way? Not that there was anything wrong with it, of course, but he knew he wasn’t. Second of all, could it be that this... thing about Levi was the beginning of Erwin turning gay? Of course, what Pixis had said about no one being completely straight or gay did make him feel a little better, but there was nothing to say that Erwin wasn’t genuinely bisexual.

He sighed as the lift stopped.

“Hm, I’m in the mood for a proper Italian coffee. What do they call it, those ones that wake you up in the morning like you’ve been kicked in the balls?” Pixis asked.

“Espresso, I believe.” Erwin supplied. The old man nodded.

 

Once they’d found a suitable place, they sat down. Pixis went inside to order, and insisted that he would be more than happy to pay.

“It’s my treat, okay? To make up for the fact there’s now a baby with an old man’s name wandering about.” he’d smiled. Erwin sighed in response.

After a few moments of waiting, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He got it out, and saw that Armin had messaged him. A cold, panicky feeling swept over him. What if Levi had done something awful? Or what if he’d fallen ill?

He opened up the message to find a photo of Armin, beaming like anything, his head pressed right up against Levi’s. They both had a generous amount of chocolate milk across their top lips, and both seemed to be quite happy. It was rather hard to tell in Levi’s case, since he had the same bored expression that Erwin had noticed he usually had, but his eyes seemed quite happy, and there was a small smile across his mouth. He had thin lips, but they looked soft enough. Erwin blinked slowly.

_Why on Earth am I thinking about his lips?_

He focused on what his son had written in the actual message.

**From: Armin**

**Hey Dad, Mr Ackerman and I have milk moustaches now. We’re both manly men, haha! xx**

Erwin smiled broadly to himself. He was on the verge of replying when Pixis came out with two coffees.

He set them down on the table, and sat down across from the blond.

“You look happy.” he commented. Erwin nodded, and leant across to show him the photo Armin had sent.

Pixis smiled again, that knowing look having returned to his face.

“Who’s the young man next to your son?” he asked.

“His name is Levi. He’s looking after Armin for the week while I’m away.” Erwin explained, relaxing into his chair, before putting his phone back in his pocket.

“Don’t you have a nanny for him?” Pixis inquired. Erwin nodded.

“Yes, but she’s gone on holiday. She deserved it, too”

“Too nice, Smith, that’s what you are. So, how did you meet this Levi fellow?”

When Erwin thought over it, it sounded ridiculous. He’d only met Levi once, properly at least, and had spent the past two months simply wondering why some short man kept staring at him. Of course, he felt like he knew him well enough and he seemed like the sort of person that could be trusted. Especially considering Petra had suggested it. Come to think of it, he’d only known Petra for a couple of months too. He shook his head.

_Maybe all these reckless things I’ve been doing are the sign of a mid-life crisis._

“He’s a friend of a friend.” Erwin lied. Well, it technically wasn’t a lie if he counted Petra as his friend, given that he’d only started talking to her in the hopes of getting into her pants. It sounded sordid and seedy when he thought about how he sometimes acted towards women, but he did try to act like a gentleman.

“Oh, really? A friend of a friend... How interesting.” Pixis mused, an unusual expression now spreading across his weathered features. “And tell me, Smith, would you like to be _his friend_?”

Erwin blinked a few times. He was sure that Pixis didn’t know what he’d done last night, so clearly the man wasn’t suggesting it in a sexual manner.

“Uh, well, he does seem rather interesting.” Erwin admitted. Pixis chuckled.

“Perhaps when you get back, you ought to invite him out for coffee.” he smiled, drinking his own.

Erwin shrugged. He picked up his own mug and got an idea. When he sipped the drink, he managed to tilt the cup far back enough to allow the liquid to spread across his upper lip. He put the drink back down, and then pulled his phone back out.

“Pixis, take a selfie with me.” he grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Erwin development chapter! Yay! I think it's safe to say he's more than a little internally homophobic, and I do have plans for that, but... I apologise for his behaviour. I have updated the tags to reflect both that and his wank. If anyone thinks I need to add any other tags, I am more than happy to do so.


	4. Absolute Beginners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi cleans, and calls Erwin.

After Death Note had finished, Armin had to prod Levi awake _again_.

“Mr Ackerman, please. The film’s over, we need to go to bed. I have to go to school tomorrow.”

Levi’s eyes cracked open, and he was all too aware of the blond’s face quite close up to his.

“Shit!” he exclaimed. “Armin, ever heard of a thing called personal space?”

Armin looked a little upset at that, and he shifted back.

“I’m sorry; you just woke me up suddenly.” Levi sighed. Armin shrugged.

“Well, we need to go to bed now, so...” he said. “Uh, do you know where you’re meant to be sleeping?”

“No, your dad didn’t really tell me much.”

“I guess you can choose which bedroom you go in.” Armin said, looking quite thoughtful.

Levi had to stop himself from smiling at the thought he’d had. He imagined himself in Erwin’s bed, with the man himself next to him. They were holding onto each other, and both were smiling. It was a nice thought, but Levi realised Armin was staring at him.

“I think you really need to get to bed. Where’s your bag?” he asked. Levi pointed to where he’d dumped it next to the sofa. Armin stood and picked it up.

“I’ll take this to one of the guest rooms.” he said, before he walked out of the room. _One_ of the guest rooms? Levi sighed as he imagined how large the damn house was. It was a little overwhelming to think of how much money Erwin must make to afford the house, and Levi secretly envied him. He’d always been poor, and to see how the other half lived was exciting, but it made him feel bad about his own flat.

He stood and followed Armin upstairs, as he was led to a decent sized room with pale grey walls. The double bed that stood in the centre of the room had far too many cushions on it, and the charcoal bed sheets looked expensive.

Armin dumped his bag next to the bed and smiled.

“Night night, Mr Ackerman.”

Levi nodded.

“Yeah, night.”

Armin left the room, and suddenly Levi was all alone with his thoughts. It was pretty horrid, considering he still wasn’t completely over his episode from the day before. Every single time he saw a single black speck on anything, he was convinced it was a flea. He often wished that if he had to hallucinate, it could be something that was a little larger. Cockroaches would be fine. Snails too. Just anything that was obvious to look at. It would make everything a lot easier. But then, Levi knew exactly why it was fleas. His uncle had a dog, when he was younger, and considering the poverty they lived in, it wasn’t very well looked after. Levi always hated dogs. They were too dependent on the owner, too needy and desperate for affection. He hadn’t been fond of animals, really, until Hange had decided to bring home two cats- Sawney and Bean. But, getting back to his original train of thought, Kenny’s dog Titan had serious issues with fleas. It didn’t help that it was a pale coloured dog, so the tiny creatures were even more visible. It was sickening that he had to live with that, but even worse that even once he’d moved out, he was still subjected to the idea of it.

_Lucky the sheets are dark, huh?_

Levi got changed into the t-shirt he’d brought over, in lieu of pyjamas. It was a large black one, and the colour had been chosen purposely so he wouldn’t be able to notice if there was any black fluff or anything on it. He planned on wearing it each night, which saved on space in his bag.

He curled up in bed, and felt like there were billions of tiny little insects crawling up him. He had to touch his face each time he felt something jumping on him, and was delighted each time he realised there was nothing there. But as long as there was a shadow of a doubt as to whether there were things on him, Levi knew he wouldn’t be able to relax.

 _Tomorrow_ , he thought sleepily, _I’ll clean everything, and make sure that there aren’t any fleas. And then as a reward, I can see what Erwin’s bedroom looks like._

He finally drifted off to thoughts of the handsome blond, about an hour after he’d actually got into bed. That was a record for him, the quickest time he’d ever been able to get to sleep after getting into bed.

 

In the morning, he woke to white light filtering in through his eyelids, half-shut and sticky.

“Morning, Mr Ackerman!” a perky voice called. Levi froze. That wasn’t Hange’s voice.

As he fully opened his eyes, Levi became aware of a very small blond kid peering into his face, like an excitable puppy. Then everything flooded back to him. This was the son of the incredibly handsome Erwin Smith, the man he’d sort of developed a huge crush on, like an idiotic child, and he was in a guest room at his house, because the universe decided that it would be fun to have him looking after Erwin’s kid for a week.

“Morning... Armin.” Levi mumbled, his voice hoarse and scratchy in his throat. He hated mornings. He really, really hated mornings. He sat up as Armin backed away.

“Is it okay if you make me breakfast? I don’t want to ask too much of you, but my nanny usually does it.” the blond asked, looking a little embarrassed.

“No problem.” Levi groaned, stretching his arms out and swinging his legs out of the bed. He finally stood up once Armin had walked over to the door. “First, where’s your shower?”

Armin chuckled.

“Which one?” he asked. Levi’s jaw dropped open very slightly. This was heaven. He was in a house that had more than one shower? Oh, the gods must have been smiling down upon him.

“Uh, whichever is the cleanest.” Levi said, trying not to betray how excited he was.

“That’d be my dad’s.”

Levi’s face instantly felt hot, and he had to stop himself from smiling more than he was.

“Oh, is it? Do you mind showing me where it is, then?” he asked. Armin nodded, and Levi followed him out.

They arrived at one of the many doors in the hallway, and Armin opened it for him. Inside, Levi could see that it was one of those showers that had a glass door around it, and he was delighted to note that it was impeccably clean.

Armin left, and Levi decided that he should probably take off his top and get in. But, he couldn’t help his curiosity. He looked with interest at all the products dotted about the room. Erwin Smith was a very vain man indeed, it seemed. The shelves next to the sink showed that he used moisturisers and facial scrubs and other cosmetic items in a similar vein.

_He is 38; he’s probably just worried he’s looking old._

Levi then took a look at the many different varieties of shampoo and conditioner that Erwin had collected. They were all expensive brands, promising to do various things to one’s hair, and Levi realised that if he didn’t know whose bathroom this was, he’d probably think it was a woman’s. There wasn’t anything wrong with that thought, far from it, in fact. It seemed to suggest that Erwin was at the very least a metrosexual man, and Levi always had a thing for men that looked after themselves.

After further exploration, Levi finally got into the shower. He used Erwin’s strawberry scented shampoo, forgoing conditioner as he always did. The shower was pleasant, especially considering there was also a wide variety of shower gels to choose from. He chose one called Tom Ford Neroli Portofino. He had no idea what any of that meant, but it smelled delightfully fruity.

Once he’d properly washed and rinsed himself, he got out and found a brilliantly fluffy towel to dry himself off with. He wandered back into his own bedroom and found his toothbrush. He quickly returned to Erwin’s bathroom and brushed his teeth. He decided the faint stubble he had wasn’t enough to warrant a shave, and the rest of him looked pretty decent.

Levi went back to his room and got changed. He had only brought two pairs of trousers, but he had more than enough t-shirts to wear for a week, and he made sure to take plenty of underwear and socks.

He hurried downstairs to find Armin in the kitchen. He was drinking a glass of chocolate milk, tilting his head back desperately.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked. Armin jumped visibly, and looked sheepish as he replied.

“I’m trying to get a moustache like yours.”

Levi self-consciously touched his upper lip before he realised that Armin was referring to the milk moustache he’d got last night. He walked over to get another glass from the cupboard that had been left open, and he poured some milk from the carton that Armin had next to him. He drank some as he had done the night before and smiled slightly at the blond.

“Like this?” he asked, all too aware of the milk dripping from his lip. Armin nodded.

“Show me how you get it like that, please. I want to look like a manly man!”

Levi chuckled softly at that, before he shrugged. “You just have to make sure that when you’re drinking it, it sort of gets up and over your lip. But only the manliest of manly men can do it.”

Armin tried again, following the very vague advice that Levi had given him. He managed to succeed, and had a moustache just like Levi’s.

He squealed in delight, and his fingers began twitching. Levi smiled, not because he found the display of happiness funny, it was because he was genuinely happy for the kid.

“Let me take a photo!” Armin said, after he’d recovered from the initial joy of getting a milk moustache.

He found his phone in one of the pockets of his pyjamas, and turned it on.

“Mr Ackerman, do you want to be in the photo?” he asked, his blue eyes wide and pleading.

“Sure. I love photos.” _I hate photos._

Levi had a bit of an issue with his face. He always felt like it was crooked, that one of his eyes drooped slightly compared to the other. His eyes were horrid anyway, too small to be attractive, and they were a plain grey colour. They also had a feline look about them, and Levi remembered his uncle constantly telling him that it made him look shifty. Another part of his face that he despised was his mouth. It was too small compared to the rest of his face, thin lips like his weren’t attractive at all, and it was asymmetrical, with one side of his Cupid’s bow being more pronounced. Plus, his mouth seemed to be in a constant pout, which coupled with his bored looking eyes, made him a victim of Resting Bitch Face syndrome. At least that’s what Hange had told him. His nose was another problem, as he thought it was too pointy. And his eyebrows were another source of disappointment. They were thin and one seemed like it was higher up than the other, and photos always seemed to bring that out a lot more. In fact, photos seemed to always bring out the worse in his face. But he couldn’t say no to Armin.

The blond pressed his head up against Levi’s and smiled.

“Look happy please, Mr Ackerman.” he said, before taking the photo. Levi had managed a small smile, but when he looked back at the picture, he looked severely constipated. And there it was, the dreaded raised eyebrow.

_Shit, my face looks awful._

He felt his cheeks getting hot again, with embarrassment at how ugly he was. He busied himself with drinking the remains of the chocolate milk, and he quickly wiped off the liquid that had gathered above his mouth.

“That sent a little slower than I expected. Maybe the fact that he’s in London has something to do with it.” Armin sighed. Levi’s eyes widened in horror.

“Huh?” he asked.

_Please tell me he didn’t send that to Erwin._

“I sent the photo to my dad, but it didn’t send as quickly as things usually do.” Armin repeated.

That was potentially Levi’s worse nightmare right there, asides from the obvious scenario of being trapped in a room of fleas and his uncle. He looked terrible in that picture, and he didn’t want Erwin to see that. It was embarrassing.

“Oh.” Levi finally managed. He got up, and looked about.

_I’ll make him breakfast so I don’t have to think about it._

“What do you want to eat?” he asked. Armin smiled pleasantly.

“Fruit.”

Levi wandered about till he found a fruit bowl. It had some rather exotic looking fruit in it, and he took the entire bowl over to Armin because he wasn’t sure about what he wanted. The teen simply picked out a few things and then thanked him.

Armin ate his fruit and then washed it down with the rest of his chocolate milk.

“That was delicious, Mr Ackerman.” he said. Levi would have mentioned the fact that he had no hand in creating the fruit or the milk, but he realised that this was something that Armin probably always said to his nanny.

“Thank you.” he replied. Armin nodded, and was about to say something else when his phone buzzed.

He took it out of his pocket and beamed once he saw what had caused it to buzz.

“Look, Mr Ackerman!” he said, thrusting the phone into Levi’s face. Once his eyes had focused on the picture in front of him, he couldn’t help but smile.

There was a photo of Erwin, grinning like an idiot, with a dark coffee stain across his upper lip. His smile was completely stunning, what with the fact his eyes crinkled around the edges, and his soft, full-looking lips had opened just wide enough to show off the perfect amount of pearly white teeth. Levi had such a crush on the man, it was embarrassing. Erwin’s beautiful blond head was pressed up against that of another man, an older bloke who had no hair on his head. He was also smiling, with an actual moustache where Erwin had his coffee one.

**From: Dad**

**Lol, I’m a manly man too! :) And Pixis is too. He says hi, to both you and Levi xx**

Levi inwardly groaned at the caption. Erwin had actually written ‘Lol’, and it was embarrassing. At the same time, it was also stupidly endearing. He was also relieved that Erwin wasn’t disgusted by his ugly face, although he could have been, though Levi would never know about it.

“Who’s Pixis?” Levi asked.

“Pixis is my dad’s friend. Well, he was my granddad’s friend, but now he and Dad are really close.” Armin explained. “He’s the man with the moustache in the picture.”

Levi nodded, and stood from the stool at the island, and took both glasses away. He walked over to the sink, where he began washing them up.

“Mr Ackerman, we have a dishwasher.” Armin pointed out, helpfully gesturing to the appliance nearby.

Levi shrugged in response. He’d never used one before, and he wasn’t about to ask some teenager to teach him how.

“I prefer doing it by hand.” he lied, before glancing up at the clock on the wall. “Besides, isn’t it time for you to go to school or something?”

“Oh, yeah...” Armin replied. He sounded a little sad at that thought.

“Aren’t you gonna get changed or something?” Levi asked. The blond was still in his pyjamas, and he still had milk all over his upper lip. He looked a bit of a mess, if Levi was honest.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Armin replied, before trudging out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Levi shook his head as he carried on scrubbing at the glass in his hand. The kid was nice, and Levi couldn’t help but think that he reminded him of his little sister. Isabel was always in a good mood, unless the subject was school. The tantrums she would have... Levi sighed loudly at the memory. He kind of missed her, and his brother Farlan. He really needed to pay them a visit at some point. The last he heard, Isabel was living in California somewhere. Farlan was still in Britain, living in Manchester. They hadn’t been close after they’d been put in care, but they always made an effort to write. Levi didn’t know, since Kenny always hid the letters and cards, but he’d eventually found out when they’d met up the last time. It had been a bit of a shock, to see how much his little siblings had changed, from little snotty nosed brats into decent young adults. They were both well adjusted, and they’d had to endure none of the trauma Levi had. He was glad. He hated to imagine poor Isabel living with Kenny instead of him, or Farlan. No, it was much better that way. Levi was sure of it.

A few minutes later, Armin reappeared.

“Uh, Mr Ackerman, I’m gonna go now.” he called.

Levi nodded. He wasn’t sure if Armin was allowed to walk about on his own, but it seemed like he knew what he was doing.

“See you later, kid.” he replied. The door slammed shut, and Levi rejoiced at finally being left alone.

Armin was a great kid, if the last night and this morning was anything to go by, even if he did have more quirks than Hange, but it was exhausting looking after a kid again after all these years. Especially considering whose kid it was.

Levi finally finished scrubbing the glasses to within an inch of their lives, and scoured the huge kitchen for the right cupboard to put them in, after he’d dried them properly, of course.

He found it, and stacked them neatly on top of the others.

_Hm, what to do now?_

Levi entertained the idea of going straight upstairs to Erwin’s bedroom, and seeing what it was like, but he had two issues with doing that. The first was the fact that Armin might have come back having forgotten something, and if he came upstairs to find Levi in his father’s room, it would be immensely awkward. The second was that it would be more satisfying if he waited. So, he decided to make himself a tea, and perhaps some toast, and watch TV for a little while.

He found a decent mug- one that said World’s Best Dad on it- and put a tea bag in.

_All this money, and he still buys teabags instead of leaves. Idiot._

Levi went over to the weird machine that poured hot water. Levi had only ever seen one of these once, and it was on an advert. He fiddled about with it for a few minutes, before realising that he actually had to turn the machine on at the plug first. He did so, and then pressed the button.

After he made himself a perfect cup of tea, and after having nearly fallen into the gigantic fridge to get the milk, Levi finally got onto the job of making toast. He did it easily, pausing every so often to drink from the mug he knew had once touched Erwin’s lips (his germs were good germs, of course), because toast was toast, no matter whether you had a fancy-arsed toaster like Erwin clearly did, or a battered, on its last legs model like Levi did.

Eventually, he reclined back on the large sofa, in the same spot he’d been in the previous night. The TV was on already, since Armin liked to watch the news in the morning, and Levi found himself flicking through every single one of the hundreds of channels that they had. He didn’t even own a TV. Instead, he and Hange would sit round their laptop to watch Netflix. But not chill, oh no. Levi had standards, he liked to think, and besides, Hange only had eyes for Petra. A small smile spread across Levi’s face as he imagined what they were getting up to with her while the flat was empty. Maybe they’d be less annoying once they finally got laid.

Speaking of sex, Levi managed to stumble across the porn channels. He furiously pressed the button on the remote until he was watching something other than a half naked girl talking on a phone.

_What if Erwin watches that, though?_

Levi had, up until now, not even considered that Erwin was anything other than gay. He was well dressed, for one, his hair was immaculate, his bathroom was amazingly well stocked, he seemed friendly with Petra, and he always stared at Levi as he walked past. Heck, the man had to be gay, by Levi’s judgement. He always prided himself on his ability to spot fellow queers, and it hadn’t occurred to him that Erwin could be interested in chicks as well as, or even instead of, dicks. He’d sort of thought about it, of course, what with his image of Erwin’s perfect woman, but he hadn’t truly believed it.

He frowned, and contented himself by eating all of his toast, and draining every last drop of his tea.

Levi finally got up and turned off the TV. He didn’t want to think about Erwin masturbating to the girls on screen, especially if-

_What if he wanked while he was sat on this sofa?_

His eyes wandered across the fabric. No odd stains or discoloured patches. There was no evidence that Erwin had done anything on the sofa, but then again, he probably cleaned up after himself. Armin had said that he hated messes in the lounge.

_If only I had those lights that they have on CSI._

On second thoughts, Levi wasn’t sure he wanted to see where Erwin had come. If he had, of course.

He thought that now would be a perfect time to clean up the house. He hadn’t been asked to do it, but it was only right.

It took him a few hours before he’d cleaned the entire downstairs, and he took his time to look through everything that seemed interesting. He’d had a lot of fun- if he could call it that- in Erwin’s office downstairs. It had many pictures in one drawer of a woman. She was exactly what Levi had imagined was Erwin’s type, tall, blonde, curvy, a permanent smile. She was nothing short of stunning, and the thought that she might be Armin’s mother left a bitter taste in Levi’s mouth. He had immediately abandoned that room, and made himself busy with vacuuming the lounge.

After he’d finished, at about 11.30am, he decided he deserved a treat, so he went upstairs and found Erwin’s bedroom. The room was gigantic, and it fit Erwin perfectly, from Levi’s limited knowledge of him. The walls were white, except the one that the bed stood against, that had wallpaper that looked like a busy New York street at Christmas. The bed itself was a large black thing, all clean lines and angles. The sheets were similar in colour to the ones in the guest room, and the duvet cover was the same. It was covered in pillows, too, and Levi noted that they were varying shades between black and white, a few blue cushions thrown in too. The same shade of blue was the colour of the rug that covered the distance between the bed and the opposite wall, where a large TV was attached to the wall.

Levi’s first instinct was to lie on the bed. He did, noticing where the majority of pillows were, and he assumed that was the side that was left empty when Erwin slept in it. He grabbed the largest pillow and pretended it was the man himself, and he nuzzled into it.

“You’re so warm, Erwin.” he sighed. Then, in a deeper voice, he replied. “And you’re so cold. But lucky for you, I like warming you up.”

He continued the little conversation between himself and his attempt at Erwin’s voice for a few moments longer. Imitating Erwin’s voice reminded Levi of The Talented Mr Ripley, a great film with Matt Damon and Jude Law, but it made him cringe to think about how creepy it was. So, Levi contented himself by imagining what it would be like to actually live with Erwin.

_It must be the best. I wouldn’t ever have to worry about money ever again, and I could live out my days with a gorgeous man._

He sighed, as he realised it would never happen. Erwin wouldn’t be interested in him, ever. Even if Erwin got past his repulsive looks, Levi knew he was too damaged to love properly. He didn’t even have much of an interest in sex, so Erwin would have no reason to want him at all.

He would be alone forever.

That thought scared him, so he immediately left the bedroom. He wanted to hear Erwin, some reassurance that he was needed and necessary.

He immediately knew what he could do. He found his phone, and the business card that he’d been given. It’d only be a short call, since he didn’t think he’d manage much in the way of conversation.

“Erwin Smith speaking. What can I do for you?” said a business-like baritone that Levi just about recognised as being Erwin’s actual voice.

“Uh, hey, it’s Levi.” he said, his face bright red as he spoke.

_Thank God he can’t see me._

“Oh! Hi, Levi!” Erwin greeted, his voice changing to sound like what Levi had remembered it as. “You’ve caught me at a great time, actually. I’ve just got back to my hotel. What can I do for you? Armin’s not been too difficult, has he?”

“Oh, no, he’s been fine. Perfect, actually. I was just calling to check in, about Armin. Like, tell you how he’s been doing. Oh, shit- Uh, I- He’s been fine.” _Smooth, you stupid idiot._

Erwin’s laughter was a welcome noise, as it meant Levi didn’t have to talk any longer.

“Is that so?” he said. “And how have you been?”

Levi practically beamed at that. Erwin had actually asked how he was. That was more than what Levi had been looking for.

“I’ve been great, thanks. I hope you don’t mind, but I got a little bored today and I cleaned all of downstairs for you.” he replied.

“Oh, Levi! I will pay you more, I promise. Thank you, though. You’re too good to me.” Erwin said, his smile basically audible.

Levi felt his heart hammering away inside, and he wondered if the man on the other end could hear it as he spoke. “Don’t worry about paying me more. I’m happy to help out.”

“Are you sure? Well, let me make it up to you in some other way. I was already thinking that money isn’t enough to show how grateful I am for you helping me out, so how about next week, when I take Armin out to his favourite restaurant, you come along with us? It’ll be my treat.”

Frantically trying to stop himself from fainting, Levi weakly nodded. Then he realised Erwin couldn’t see him, so he started speaking.

“T-Thanks. Uh, if you’re sure that is. I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything.”

“Nonsense!” Erwin replied. “I’ll sort out all the details with you when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” Levi managed to get out. “I need to get on with some other stuff, so see you then, I guess.”

“Bye! Oh, and don’t forget that you can call me whenever you need me. My meetings are only in the mornings, so any time after about 11am is great, okay?”

“Alright. Bye.” Levi said, and then he hung up, too embarrassed to consider that the phone call was awkwardly short.

Erwin Smith had basically just asked him out on a date. That was all he could think about. 

Erwin fucking Smith, his genius son Armin, and Levi all in the same restaurant. It would be perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just bizarre. I'm mildly embarrassed at how bad it is, but hey-ho, at least I've written it. A lot of what Erwin says in the phone call will become clearer once I've uploaded his chapter. 
> 
> Also, I'm not sure if anyone has noticed what the chapter titles have been referencing, but hopefully someone will catch on eventually. And I keep on adding in references to various films. So, yeah, I'm an embarrassing geek. 
> 
> Levi uses the word 'queer' in his inner monologue at one point, and I am aware some might find it... offensive? But, like, as someone who uses the term 'queer' to describe themselves, I think it's appropriate.  
> He also uses a lot of stereotypes when he's trying to figure out Erwin's sexuality, and I also think it's appropriate, considering he is pretty much desperate to work him out. If anyone finds it truly offensive, I may consider editing.


	5. Miracle Goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin has some interesting thoughts.

It had been a relatively average morning for Erwin, as his meeting had gone smoothly. He’d managed to secure some deals, smooth talk his superiors, do his usual thing.

He and Pixis had gone out for brunch, too, and caught up on old times together. Nothing had been said about their conversation in the morning, although it had been playing on Erwin’s mind repeatedly.

He couldn’t help but think that Pixis was wrong about the whole thing. He’d immediately assumed that Erwin was gay, which he was 90% sure he wasn’t, and Erwin couldn’t help but wonder if it was because his own son was gay. It might be a thing, that if someone’s child is gay, they’re more likely to make wild accusations about others. Of course, Erwin did think that he was probably letting it get to him a little too much, and the more he protested, the more likely it was that he was just denying the truth, but he couldn’t help that he was a deep thinker. He liked to analyse situations, and explore every possible idea and outcome. And that applied to himself too. He had spent a large portion of his youth dealing with what he knew now to be some sort of anxiety, as he liked to examine each part of his personality and decide why it was horrid for him to be like that. One major example was how he was often called creepy. He spent a long time, a few months in fact, scrutinising every single thing he did, checking whether it lived up to his idea of creepiness. He had repressed any behaviour that came out appearing that way, and he was never called creepy again.

However, if Erwin was going to be honest with himself, it could be said that the same happened with being gay. Of course, all kids go through that phase where they call each other gay, and it obviously means nothing, even if it is incredibly stupid. But, Erwin thought back to the time where it happened, and remembers how he then avoided looking at the other boys in the PE changing rooms in case anyone got the wrong idea, and how he always turned his head when Mike, his own brother, took off any clothes. In short, Erwin realised that his childhood was fucked up by paranoia. As his dad had often drilled into him, being normal was good. Appearances are everything, so Erwin needed to fit in. But, as he often liked to tell himself, he had nothing wrong with anyone that was different to him. Especially considering that he was different to the majority of the population anyway, what with his lack of an arm. So why was he thinking so hard about the whole thing?

When he got back to his hotel room, he was still thinking about it. He sat down on the bed, and took off his shoes and loosened his tie. He needed to relax a little.

His phone buzzing didn’t help him to relax, and he had half a mind to ignore it. But he couldn’t, because it might have been important.

“Erwin Smith speaking. What can I do for you?” he answered, using the voice he reserved for business.

“Uh, hey, it’s Levi.” a voice said. Erwin’s stomach instantly flipped, and he felt a little confused as to why that would happen.

“Oh! Hi, Levi!” Erwin replied, using his normal voice now. He was worried it might come off as too casual, but then he remembered that that was how he spoke to Levi before. “You’ve caught me at a great time, actually. I’ve just got back to my hotel. What can I do for you? Armin’s not been too difficult, has he?”

“Oh, no, he’s been fine. Perfect, actually. I was just calling to check in, about Armin. Like, tell you how he’s been doing. Oh, shit- Uh, I- He’s been fine.” Levi stuttered. Erwin chuckled at that. He found it endearing, almost, how awkward Levi was, since he wasn’t used to such a natural person. All of his business associates, save for Pixis, were quite fake people, using a mask just as Erwin did, to conceal their true personalities, and appear well put together. Levi wasn’t like that. They’d only met once, but Erwin knew that he was an honest man. He liked that in people.

“Is that so?” he smiled. He knew that Armin would be fine, he always was. Now he just had to talk to Levi, and since he was interested in the man- in a platonic way, of course- he decided to be friendly. “And how have you been?”

“I’ve been great, thanks. I hope you don’t mind, but I got a little bored today and I cleaned all of downstairs for you.” Levi said. Erwin grinned. He’d got lucky with Levi, he had to admit. Most people, he imagined, would spend the week there and not bother to lift a finger. He had been right to trust him.

“Oh, Levi! I will pay you more, I promise. Thank you, though. You’re too good to me.” Erwin said. He honestly meant it. Levi did deserve extra.

“Don’t worry about paying me more. I’m happy to help out.” came the reply. Erwin smiled wider. Most men would have just agreed and accepted the extra money. He was so, so, so right to trust Levi. Erwin quickly went through how exactly he could repay such a kind man, and his mind briefly wandered to when Pixis had told him to ask Levi out for a coffee. Well, they weren’t that close yet, but perhaps Levi would want to be invited out for dinner, with Armin of course. It wasn’t a date. He made up his mind to thank Petra too, when he got back, since she’d basically caused the whole thing.

“Are you sure? Well, let me make it up to you in some other way. I was already thinking that money isn’t enough to show how grateful I am for you helping me out, so how about next week, when I take Armin out to his favourite restaurant, you come along with us? It’ll be my treat.” he said.

There was a pause, and Erwin suddenly worried that Levi was going to refuse, or something. Perhaps he didn’t like going out with other people? Petra had never exactly filled Erwin in on what exactly was wrong with Levi, although he surely had to be fine with people if he frequented a café, and was willing to spend the week at a stranger’s house.

“T-Thanks. Uh, if you’re sure that is. I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything.” Levi finally replied.

_Thank God._

“Nonsense! I’ll sort out all the details with you when I get back, okay?” Erwin genuinely wanted to get to know him, and be his friend. Armin was right when he said that Erwin needed to broaden his circle of friends, which at the moment consisted of just Pixis and him. Now he had Petra, who was incredibly friendly, and hopefully Levi.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks. I need to get on with some other stuff, so see you then, I guess.” Levi sounded less than enthusiastic about it, but Erwin didn’t mind. That was all part of the process of making friends.

“Bye! Oh, and don’t forget that you can call me whenever you need me. My meetings are only in the mornings, so any time after about 11am is great, okay?” he said, rather cheerfully. He decided that it would be his new project, to become Levi’s friend. Not because he was attracted to him, but because as he kept on reminding himself, the man was fascinating.

“Alright. Bye.” Levi said. He must have hung up after that, but Erwin didn’t care. He felt strangely content inside, although he imagined it was because it was the first time in ages that he was finally making friends.

_And with such a nice man too._

Erwin looked around the room, wondering how he could occupy himself. He felt a little bored, and wondered if there was anything on TV at the moment.

He switched it on, and flicked through the channels. There wasn’t much on at all, and he ended up falling asleep.

 

Levi was in the kitchen, humming along to the radio. It was a song that he hadn’t heard before, but it had a catchy tune. He was stirring a bowl of soup for him and Armin to eat, and it was looking good, even if it wasn’t much. It was hot inside the house, so he was simply wearing just the large top that he’d brought to wear in bed.

The only noise was his humming, and the radio. Until he heard footsteps.

“Armin? Is that you? You shouldn’t be back home so early, should you?” he called, looking a little confused.

The footsteps drew closer and closer, and Levi grabbed a knife from the drawer closest to him. Stirring the soup didn’t matter. If there was a burglar or something, Levi would have no problem with slashing them up.

Finally, the footsteps were close enough for Levi to see the owner. His face changed from one of fear, to one of confusion.

“I thought you’d be gone for the whole week.” he said, before putting the knife down on the counter.

Erwin smiled, and shrugged.

“I wanted to see you.” he replied, before walking right over to the shorter man, and wrapping his arm around him. Levi embraced him in return, holding the blond tight against him.

“I missed you.” Erwin mumbled into Levi’s ear.

“I missed you too.” Levi replied, before looking up at Erwin through his thick, dark eyelashes. His mouth was the perfect pale pink colour, and his lips looked so soft. Erwin leant down to kiss him, a deep, passionate kiss. Levi gasped a little into his mouth, his grey eyes slipping shut, but he returned the kiss just as fervently.

Erwin’s hand removed itself from Levi’s tiny waist, and it came up to cup his face, his thumb brushing across one of his pale cheekbones.

Before they knew it, they were in the bedroom, and Levi was making quick work of undressing Erwin. He finally did it; the suit that Erwin wore was folded and put neatly onto the floor. Erwin’s body was completely exposed, and he was enjoying the soft kisses that Levi placed across his well-defined chest, his delicate fingers tracing up his stomach, his milky white thighs straddling Erwin’s own tanned hips.

Erwin’s cock was fully hard, and every time Levi’s ass brushed up against it killed him. He eventually lost it, and ripped the black shirt off of the shorter man, before pushing him off of him, so that Levi was lying on his front on the bed.

His ass was still up in the air, firm and pale, and Erwin’s mouth practically watered at the sight. It was delectable.

Erwin pushed his face right up close, and licked a clean line up the pulsing hole in front of him. His tongue circled the puckered rim, and pushed in slowly. His arm pressed Levi into the bed each time he moved, as he was holding onto one of his shoulders.

He licked deeply a few more times, before he pushed his cock into Levi’s hole, the warmth that surrounded it a welcome feeling indeed. The dark-haired man seemed almost hungry for him, rolling his hips back onto the thick cock inside, helping Erwin out with his thrusts.

“When you come, I want you to scream my name.” Erwin commanded.

His eyes fluttered open, and he realised he was still in his hotel room. Levi wasn’t under him, and his cock-

_Oh, shit._

Erwin’s trousers looked like they could barely contain the erection that must have sprung up while he was dreaming.

His face instantly coloured, and he felt almost sick with shame that he was hard because he’d been dreaming about Levi.

_He’s my friend! I shouldn’t be dreaming about him like that._

Erwin had happily ignored the fact that he had jerked off to Levi the night prior, and was trying to imagine plausible reasons for having had a wet dream, essentially, about the man he wanted to be friends with.

He stood up and decided to take a cold shower to rid him of his unwanted erection.

_It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on now updating every weekend if I can. This chapter was shit, so yeah.


	6. Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess too, and I'd really appreciate it if people could give me feedback. This fic is actually depressing me, as I'm losing faith in my writing.
> 
> Edit: I had intended to write another chapter this weekend, and in the notes I would thank everyone for all of their lovely comments, because they really made me happy. Unfortunately, it seems that the universe officially hates me as I damaged my computer screen accidentally, and that means I most likely won't be updating til next weekend at the earliest. It's a shame, as many of you will know that I have some great ideas for this fic, and I want to get it all out quickly. I'm sorry, everyone.  
> In other news, this has hit 100 kudos, which is amazing for me. It isn't much, but I am incredibly grateful for everyone who has read this so far. This fic is something like therapy for me, and it means so much that people are reading it and enjoying it.   
> Keep with it, and I promise it'll go somewhere great. Thank you for reading this long note too. :3

It was the day that Erwin was due to arrive home, Saturday, and Levi was spending the last few hours of his final day watching TV again. He had cleaned everything again that morning, while Armin was out somewhere. So far, he’d had a good week. He’d been vaguely relaxed, and he’d learnt more about Erwin than he thought was possible. Armin seemed to just volunteer information about his father quite freely, and so Levi now knew a lot about the handsome blond.

He was downstairs, in the living room, when Armin returned home.

“Hey, Mr Ackerman. I’ve brought a friend back, but don’t worry; we won’t cause you any trouble. We’ll just be upstairs.” he said.

Levi nodded, and his eyes stayed glued to the screen. He was watching a repeat of The Great British Bake Off. It served to remind him of how bad his own baking skills were.

“Uh, Mr Ackerman?” Armin called.

“Yeah?” he replied.

“Is it okay if we have some chocolate milk?”

Levi got up and walked into the kitchen, where he knew that Armin and his friend would be.

“Yes, you can, but let me pour it out. I spent a couple of hours this morning cleaning everything. I don’t want you to make a mess.” he said, and then he locked eyes on Armin’s friend.

The kid was practically bright red in the face, and his turquoise eyes seemed to have an actual anime-style sparkle to them. It was Eren. Eren fucking Yeager.

“Oh, this is Eren, Mr Ackerman.” Armin said.

“Hi, Eren.”

Eren immediately put his hand out, a little too eagerly. Levi rolled his eyes.

“Hello, Levi!” he beamed, and he grabbed hold of the limp, pale hand that was given to him in return.

“How’s Mikasa doing?” Levi asked, trying not to make too much eye contact with the kid that currently held his hand in a death grip.

Mikasa Ackerman was Levi’s cousin, adopted at the age of seven by the Yeager family after her parents had, for some reason, felt that it was okay to give up such a young and defenceless kid just because she didn’t fit up to their standard. Her parents had actually moved a long way away just to escape her, and he’d luckily never met them. He knew that, as horrid as they were to Mikasa, they were probably better than Kenny. Mikasa was a couple of years younger than Levi, but they had been close as teens. They were incredibly similar, however, Mikasa lacked the apathy and dislike for the world that Levi had cultivated over the years. To say he was bitter about life was an understatement, but he’d been working on it. They hadn’t really seen each other much lately, and Levi knew that was to do with his own personal issues. It was also partly because Mikasa’s adopted brother Eren had a huge crush on him, for some unknown reason.

“She’s good. She’s recently started working, funnily enough, at Armin’s dad’s job. She’s a...”

“An intern.” Armin offered.

“Yeah, that.” Eren said, nodding. He let go of Levi’s poor hand finally, but held eye contact for longer than necessary. “How’s Hange?” he added eventually.

“Hange’s okay. Finally dating Petra.” Levi said.

Armin smiled.

“Eren, let’s go! I want to show you something in my room!”

_The kid is a gift, honestly._

Levi made up his mind to treat Armin extra nice when Eren left, to repay him for taking the demon child away from him. He had nothing against Eren, truthfully, he was a good kid. It was just hard to act normally around him without him thinking it was a green light to kiss him or whatever. It had happened before, actually.

But, he had better things to think about. Much better things.

A phone call managed to distract him though, and he realised it was Hange.

“Tch. What do you want? Is Petra not letting you fuck her, or something?” he asked, his voice exasperated.

“Levi, I’m so sorry. The rent. The rent, I haven’t paid it. We’ve been given three days to pay it or we’ll be kicked out.” they said, tears practically audible.

“Hange, what the actual fuck?”

He had allowed Hange to pay all the bills with their wages from the café. He had trusted them to do that much. He knew that the owner of their flat was a nasty man, and three days wasn’t a long time, but Hange should have paid it.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I spent a lot of money on other things. I was trying to impress Petra!” Hange wailed down the phone. “I’m so sorry! Please, forgive me!”

Levi felt a cold sort of feeling settling in his stomach. He barely had any money to his name, and there was no way he’d ask Kenny for help. He could try and get help from the Yeagers, but he didn’t want to be in debt to them again. There was no one he could ask.

He thought about the money that Erwin had promised him, and thought that maybe, just maybe it would be enough for the rent. But there was no way he’d accept such a large sum- about £600, he was sure- from Erwin, especially not just for looking after a kid who barely needed that care.

There was nothing he could do, nothing at all.

He groaned loudly, trying not to get too angry or frustrated. He could always ask one of Hange’s friends to get another loan out for him. Again, he didn’t want to have to repay back loads of money to people.

“Fuck.” he eventually sighed. “Fuck this all. Alright, Hange, don’t worry about anything. It’s cool. I can sort this out.”

“I’m so sorry, I really am.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just... Get back to Petra, and don’t worry about it. I have it under control.” he said, before hanging up.

He shoved his phone back in his pocket, and paced about the living room for a bit, trying to think. He needed to stay calm, that’s what he needed to do. He couldn’t afford to start seeing things again, or worse, have a panic attack, because of all the unnecessary stress that Hange decided to dump on him. He could already feel one coming on. His breathing was already faster, and he felt as though he was losing himself.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, the front door opened.

“Armin? Levi? I’m home!” Erwin’s smooth baritone called out.

Levi wanted to be swallowed up by the ground.

“Levi, how are you?” Erwin asked, standing in the lounge doorway with a warm smile on his face. He looked as though he was greeting an old friend, not a despicable, worthless piece of shit that was undeserving of such kindness. He couldn’t even look after his own life, let alone look after a poor kid. Erwin was even waving at him with his one hand.

Levi pushed past him, trying to leave. His breathing increased pace even more as he wrestled with his anxiety, and he was sure he was about to pass out.

“N-Need to go.” he managed to spit out, before walking out of the house. He’d left his bag behind, but he was in a terrible state of mind. He didn’t much care.

He sat down in a nearby park, and let it all come out. His heart was racing at a million miles an hour, like it could beat out of his chest, and it felt like he had no control over his body anymore. His limbs practically tingled with the energy that raced through him, and his lungs felt like they would explode. The pounding headache that arrived brought with it a sharp pain in his skull, like he was being sliced at. Clammy hands clawed at his face, trying to hide himself from the people passing by.

It took a while for his panic to pass, but eventually it did, and was replaced by pure anger.

He was so mad. Really, truly annoyed. He hadn’t done anything to deserve this shit that had just been piled on him. He was having a good week so far, and Hange had now managed to get them both into a position where they could end up homeless. He rarely cried, but he could tell this was going to be one of those occasions where it happened in a horrible over the top way. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the messages, feeling the big, fat, salty drops roll down his face.

**From: Erwin**

Is everything okay? x

**From: Erwin**

If you need any help, call me. x

**3 missed calls from: Erwin.**

**From: Erwin**

Levi, please, message me when you can. Armin’s really distressed, and he won’t stop crying because he thinks he’s done something wrong. If you need anything at all, honestly, just message me, and I’ll help you out. I promise. xxx

 

His hands shook as he typed out a reply.

**To: Erwin**

I’m sorry. Was about to have a panic attack, will talk in a minute.

 

He felt horrid, and exhausted from having just had one of the most severe attacks in his life. He wasn’t sure what to do at all.

A few moments later, his phone buzzed again.

It was a phone call from Erwin. He didn’t have the heart to ignore it, so he picked up.

“I’m so sorry.” he began, the tears rolling freely down his face. “I’m so sorry.”

“Levi, Levi, calm down. You’re going to be okay.” Erwin replied, his voice silky and calm. He sounded so kind, and Levi cried even harder.

“Fuck, I can’t calm down.” he said, aware his voice was breaking.

“Levi, please, stop crying. You just need to come back, and I can look after you. Armin’s had a couple of panic attacks before, so I know what to do. On second thoughts, where are you? You must be exhausted, and I don’t want you passing out on the way here.”

“I’m at a park.”

“Is there a bench with blue paint on it?” Erwin asked. Levi looked at the bench he was sat on.

“I’m sat on it.” he replied.

“Okay, I’ll be there in less than a minute.” Erwin said. “Stay calm, Levi. Don’t move.”

“Alright.” Levi said, hanging up. He wiped his face, and managed to stop himself from crying more. He felt like an idiot.

Almost a minute passed before Erwin jogged over to the bench, still wearing his suit. He held out his hand, and Levi grabbed tightly on to it, standing up on weak legs. They shuffled over wordlessly to Erwin’s house. It took them a while to do it, but even so, it didn’t seem like Erwin minded.

Once inside, Erwin lead Levi to the lounge, and made sure he was lying down. He left the room, and brought back a glass of water in his only hand.

“The water is to rehydrate you. I could barely find my glasses, though. You’ve done a great job of organising my kitchen.” Erwin said, a small chuckle following. He looked calm, but also a little unsure.

Levi accepted the water, and moved his legs slightly so that the blond could sit down.

“I’m so sorry.” he said, having sipped at the glass in his hand.

“No need to apologise, Levi. It’s fine. As long as you’re okay, it’s fine.” Erwin said, relaxing into the sofa. “Now, if you can, do you mind explaining to me why you had a panic attack?”

“My flat. The rent hasn’t been paid, and me and Hange have been given three days to pay up or else we’ll be kicked out. I don’t have any family to get the money from, nor does Hange, and I can’t get a loan or anything. I’m stuck. I’m gonna lose my flat, and end up on the streets, and I- I-”

“Levi, calm down. It’s going to be fine. Everything will be okay.” Erwin said, smiling. He shifted, and pulled out his wallet. “How much is your rent?”

Levi shook his head. “No, I can’t let you pay my rent for me.”

“Yes, you can. Please. I was going to pay you for looking after Armin anyway, and- just, please, take my money.” he said.

“£600.” Levi replied, intending to shock the man.

“Well, that’s less than I usually pay my nanny, so here, have this.” Erwin handed him £800.

Levi took it, and handed back two hundred. “I can’t. I can’t take all of this.”

Erwin sighed. “Fine. Okay. Just, keep the £600.”

The shorter man also sighed, and rested his head back on the arm of the sofa. He closed his eyes, and Erwin watched him for a while.

He was glad that he could help out a friend in need. He’d often heard about people doing things like that, and he’d never known how much he would be willing to do for someone. But, £600 wasn’t a lot of money to him, and he wanted to make Levi like him. So far, he’d seemed a little awkward around him, and Erwin wanted to make him feel comfortable.

“I’ll pay you back, I promise.” Levi said, his eyes still shut. “I swear, I will.”

“No, honestly, keep the money.” Erwin replied. He took the glass from Levi and returned it to the kitchen. He sat back down in the lounge, only this time he was sat on the floor, his back pressed against the sofa. Levi had shifted, so he was lying on his side, and Erwin could see his face.

With his eyes closed, Levi looked peaceful. It was nice, to see him like that. He had such a delicate little face, Erwin noted, pink lips that looked very soft indeed, a sharp nose that was almost perfectly straight, thin eyebrows that seemed to balance out the roundness of his face. He looked almost beautiful, Erwin thought. He couldn’t explain how he felt about Levi, because he’d tried to push it to the back of his mind for a week. He could ignore his sexual urges, and all of the unwanted side effects of them. He could ignore the thoughts that flowed through his mind at the mere idea of Levi. But what he couldn’t ignore was the way his heart had ached at seeing the smaller man in such a horrid state. No one deserved to go through that, especially given what Petra had told him.

_I will help you however I can, Levi. I promise you that. I will help you with everything I have._


	7. The Heart's Filthy Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date that's not a date happens, and someone from Levi's past makes a mysterious appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry everyone, for taking like a month to do this, but as I mentioned, my laptop got broken, so I couldn't access the file that I have this saved on, and everything was a bit of a mess.  
> This chapter is important to the story, and it would be really appreciated if you could leave a comment or something.  
> I hope people enjoy it, at least.  
> Also, I swear, if someone figures out what I'm doing with the titles of these chapters, I will give them a hug or something. Maybe I'll give them a fic. Oh, yeah, that would be a fun competition or something. If you figure out what the chapter titles have in common, I'll write a one-shot for you. Any pairing, any setting, literally all your choice. That is, if people actually care enough to figure it out.

Something brushed against his skin.

“Shit!” Levi cried, his eyes opening. He looked around, panicked. He wasn’t in his room. He was still in... Erwin’s guest room?

“Are you okay?” Erwin asked, his thick eyebrows furrowing with concern. Levi’s eyes darted wildly over to him. The blond was sat on the bed, so very close up. His cheeks heating up, Levi frowned and looked around.

“Why am I in here? How did I even get here?”

“You’re in here because I didn’t think my sofa would be comfortable for you. And, I carried you.” Erwin replied.

“But you have...” Levi’s eyes wandered to Erwin’s stump, which was quite visible in the tight fitting white t-shirt he wore.

“I know I only have one arm.” he chuckled. “But, you’re quite light, and I can still use this a little.”

Erwin wiggled the stump about, and Levi watched it in fascination.

“Well, um... Okay.” Levi said, blinking slightly. His head was still a little fuzzy, and the details of what had happened before he fell asleep were just slotting into place. He remembered Hange’s phone call, rushing out in a bit of a state, having a panic attack, Erwin coming to get him, and then closing his eyes for a moment. Well, that was certainly a lot to have happened in just one day.

_Perhaps I’ve completely overstayed my welcome..._

Levi bit into his lip, before sitting up properly.

“I’ll get going then.” he said, swinging his legs round to stand up. His head was pounding, but he could relax when he got home.

“Are you sure? You’ve just had a panic attack.”

Levi nodded, and stood up. Erwin also stood, picking up the bag that was still at the side of the bed. He kept hold of it, and followed the shorter man downstairs.

“Well, I suppose this is goodbye.” Levi said, reaching for his bag. He was, in truth, very embarrassed right now. Not only had he completely broken down, he’d done in front of the man he’d had a crush on for the past couple of months. It was mortifying, and he wanted to leave as soon as he could.

“Yes. Until dinner, on Wednesday, that is. Thank you so much, for everything you’ve done. I should pay you now, I think.” Erwin said, handing the bag over, and reaching into his pocket for his wallet again.

“It’s really not necessary, you know. You’ve already given me money.” Levi replied.

“You’re quite right. If you’re sure, that is, then I shan’t give you any more.”

Levi nodded, before opening the door.

“Goodbye, Levi.” Erwin smiled.

 

Levi got home rather quickly. Even though he felt terrible, he wanted to get as far away from Erwin’s house as he possibly could.

Hange was alone when he got back. They looked rather guilty, but Levi gave them a small smile to show they were forgiven.

“I have the money.” he said, and they immediately rushed over to cuddle him.

“I’m so sorry! How did you-”

“Erwin gave me the money.” Levi interrupted. Hange moved their head back to have a look at Levi’s face.

“Are you okay with him doing that?”

“Well, I didn’t really have a choice.” he replied. “I had a panic attack after you called me, and he looked after me and-”

“Oh, that is so sweet! Me and Petra definitely think you two are perfect for each other, by the way.” Hange grinned.

Levi sighed, finally escaping Hange’s tight embrace. He sat down on his chair, dumping his bag on the floor.

“Whatever, I need to rest now.” he said, closing his eyes.

“Okay!” Hange said, before scurrying off somewhere.

                                             

Erwin was attempting to talk to Armin about the week. From what he could gather, it had gone really well. After a while, Armin managed to inform him of basically every single thing that had happened. It was genuinely heart-warming to hear how such an outwardly grouchy man could be so caring and thoughtful. Levi could easily have treated Armin differently because of his Asperger’s, but he didn’t. He, according to Armin, treated him like he was a ‘normal’ child, which Erwin thought was down to the fact that Levi’s flatmate also had it. It probably meant he was used to dealing with people who fell outside of what society deemed normal. That might apply to other people, like those missing a limb. Erwin stopped his train of thought right there. 

“Is it okay if Levi joins us on Wednesday, then?” Erwin asked. Armin pouted.

“I don’t want him coming to my restaurant.” he replied. “I really like Mr Ackerman, but he’s changed a lot already.”

“Alright, that’s okay, my love.”

Erwin pulled Armin into a hug. Armin had been pretty distressed when Levi had left, crying and flapping because he thought it was his fault. He needed as much comfort as he could get now. Erwin could only imagine, however, how Levi was right now.

_Hopefully he’s looking after himself. I can’t bear to think of him trying to act strong when he’s so tired._

As much as it was a shame that Levi was banned from coming out with both Armin and Erwin, this gave Erwin the opportunity to try and get Levi out alone. He could easily arrange to take him out on any other day, and it would give them a chance to bond. Erwin’s end game was still for them to become friends. He was admittedly a lonely man, and Levi looked as though he could do with another friend.

Armin quickly fell asleep, having exhausted himself from his meltdown earlier. He was put into his bed, and Erwin went downstairs. He had a phone call to make.

 

“Hello?” Levi answered. His phone woke him up, the vibrations causing him to practically jump out of his skin.

“Hello, Levi, it’s Erwin.”

Levi’s heart fluttered, although he tried to stop it.

“Oh, hi.” he replied. A blush began to creep its way up his face, and he felt stupid as it happened.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asked.

“I’m alright, thanks. A little tired, but that’s only to be expected.”

“Well, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“I won’t. Thanks.” Levi replied. “So, why are you calling?”

“I mentioned earlier that dinner would be on Wednesday, but I’m afraid it’ll have to be on another day, now.” Erwin said. “And Armin won’t be with us.”

“So, you’re telling me that it’s just gonna be the two of us?” Levi asked,

“Yes, I’m afraid so. We don’t have to go, of course. I just thought it would be a nice way to repay you after all you’ve done. And surely it’d be nice to go out and relax a little.” Erwin replied. “So, what day suits you best?”

“I don’t mind.” Levi was always free, so he could literally do any day.

“What about Monday? Or Tuesday?”

“Monday’s cool.”

“Alright, well, the restaurant is called Rose. Do you know where it is?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah, I think.” Levi replied.

“Alright then. Meet me there at 7pm, then, on Monday. See you there, Levi. I look forward to it.”

“See ya.”

Levi hung up, and sighed heavily. He felt as though he was actually going on a date with Erwin. But, the thing that surprised him was that it was the fact that Erwin was still willing to talk to him, even though he’d embarrassed himself by having a huge panic attack.

 

6pm on Monday, and Hange was helping Levi to pick out clothes to wear. They were convinced it was a date, so wanted to make him look as good as he could.

“I think purple is definitely your colour, you know.” they said, holding out a violet jumper to go over the black shirt he already had on. He put it on wordlessly, too nervous to protest. He was, rather obviously, scared of this dinner with Erwin. He knew it wasn’t a date, but the fact was that he’d completely messed up in front of him. He was completely embarrassed, and worried that Erwin was simply taking pity on him. He probably was, what with the money that he gave him, and how he was taking him to Rose, one of the nicest restaurants in the whole city.

“Hey, Levi?” Hange said, watching as Levi picked at the jumper he wore. He did this whenever he got nervous. Every black speck on the jumper was a flea, ready to jump about and do something horrid to him. That was just how his mind worked. He knew it was irrational, and he tried not to let it take him over, but he was just afraid.

“What?” he finally replied, looking up.

“You’re gonna be fine. You’re cute, you know, and Erwin will love you.”

“It’s not a date, shitty glasses.” The ‘thank you’ went unspoken, but Hange beamed as though he’d said it.

 

Petra gave him a lift to the restaurant, and she wished him good luck. She knew that it wasn’t a date, but she was aware of how nervous he was.

“Thanks.” he said, getting out of the car. He turned, and smacked his head against something hard.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” he exclaimed. The hard thing in front of him started chuckling, a deep throaty kind of laugh that sounded like music to Levi’s ears.

“Sorry about that, Levi.” Erwin said, smiling down at him. Levi simply frowned.

“Bye, Levi!” Petra called, as she began driving off.

They walked into the restaurant in silence, and Levi was all too aware of the warmth of Erwin next to him, the warmth of his god-like, muscular body. He was also aware of another warmth, on his cheeks.

_Shit, how red is my face?_

The restaurant wasn’t anything special, nor were the snobby people inside that looked down upon both Levi, for looking like he didn’t belong to their elite social circles, and Erwin, for being less than perfect with only one arm. He found he didn’t care, surprisingly enough.

They were shown to their table, and sat down.

“You look nice.” Erwin smiled. Levi bit his lip awkwardly, before shrugging.

“So do you.” he replied. It was true, Erwin looked very nice indeed. He was dressed well, with a pale pink shirt, the top two buttons undone so there was a glimpse of his chest each time he moved a certain way, and beige trousers complemented by brown leather shoes. And he physically looked very good, his hair slicked back a little in an oh-so-dashing way. It showed off his gorgeous cheekbones, his beautiful eyes, his strong nose- Levi was rambling inside his head, trying to list all of the stunning features on Erwin’s face, and he swore that if he popped an awkward boner tonight, he was never meeting up with the blond ever again.

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked, looking concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Levi replied. “Why?”

“Well, you looked a little dazed, and your cheeks are bright red. I thought maybe it was too warm in here, or something.”

“No, no. I’m fine.”

The rest of the evening went fine. They spoke of meaningless things, like the weather, the news, anything and everything. Levi felt like it had been a success, and that there was nothing to be nervous about. He found out plenty about Erwin, like the fact that when it was hot and sunny, instead of burning or tanning, he burnt first, and then the sunburn developed into a tan. He found out that Erwin, when he was younger, wanted to be a politician, but hated all the political parties, so decided against it. He found out that Erwin ate his food rather awkwardly, because even though it was 10 years since he lost it, his right arm was his really dominant one. But the worst thing that he found out, aside from the fact that Erwin was completely straight from the way he looked at the waitresses, was that he was completely and utterly smitten with him.

Petra had already warned him that she wouldn’t be able to drive him home, something like she was busy working, and Levi was prepared to go in a taxi alone. He hated that, but he’d have to do it.

“How are you getting home, Levi?” Erwin asked, as they stood outside, just about to say their farewells. Every single time his name came out of that man’s mouth, Levi swore he could come from it. It was ridiculous, how much he liked him, and how straight Erwin was.

“Taxi.” he replied.

Erwin made a face, almost as though he was nervous, for the briefest of moments, a blink-and-you-miss-it kind of expression, before opening his mouth to speak.

“Would you like me to accompany you?”

Levi thought about it for a second before he nodded.

“If you don’t mind.” He really was a little terrified about travelling alone.

They took a taxi back to Levi’s flat, where Hange was stood outside, arms wrapped tight around someone. Too tall to be Petra, Levi’s first thought was that it was Moblit.

Erwin came out of the car with him, telling the driver to wait for a moment. He was a true gentleman, walking him back to his door, and Levi's heart was practically drowning in both love and sorrow.

They approached Hange and the tall mystery man, who instantly sprung apart.

“Levi!” the man said. Levi’s eyes widened a little, before he grinned.

“Farlan.”

They instantly hugged each other tight. Words were not needed to know how much they missed each other.

Hange grinned at the pair, before turning to Erwin.

“How cute are they?” they asked.

 

Romance-wise, Erwin had always been a little inconsistent. Sometimes, he was very sure of his affection, very sure that he liked a particular woman, and he was ready to go out of his way to court her appropriately. Other times, he went through phases of knowing about his feelings and being completely oblivious to them.

This evening, for example, as he got ready, he found himself wondering what Levi would be wearing, deciding that he could wear anything and he’d still look cute. He couldn’t quite decide how he felt about the shorter man anymore, something like an intense like for him, mixed with a small crush. It didn’t feel as wrong as it did before, which made him feel a little bit more comfortable having those thoughts.

As they got to the restaurant, and Levi walked into him, Erwin couldn't help but feel like the weight of his body against his own was something that was completely natural, completely right. When they walked in, Erwin noticed the deep blush on Levi’s pale cheeks, wanting it to be because of him, wanting him to be all embarrassed and cute, but he figured that from the glazed-over look that occasionally found its way into the other man’s eyes, it was because he was ill. Maybe he was simply very nervous. He had had a panic attack the other day, it would make sense.  Erwin didn’t want to take the taxi home, ten years weren’t enough to heal his mild distrust of cars, but Levi looked terrified of being alone. And Erwin wanted to protect him, to look after him, to wrap him in his arm and never let him go.

The point is, this was a night where he felt deeply for him.

When they arrived back at Levi’s block of flats, Erwin saw the man cuddling Hange, and didn’t think anything of it.

“How cute are they?” they asked. Erwin blinked in the direction of Levi, and the sandy haired man that had _both_ of his arms tight around him.

_How cute are they? Does that mean that they’re... together?_


	8. The Prettiest Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin becomes a stalker, and sees his 'competition', while Levi has some things to mull over.

The drive home was depressing. Erwin didn’t know what he’d been expecting. It wasn’t a date, he knew that for certain. He had invited Levi out to get to know him, as friends, no more, no less. So why did he feel sad, betrayed even, at the idea that Levi was dating someone?

He wasn’t jealous of the other man. No, although he and Levi looked good together, the sandy haired stranger was nothing special. He was average looking, average height, and probably of average intelligence. The stranger didn’t have money, either, wouldn’t be able to give Levi anything, wouldn’t be able to spoil him like he deserved. Erwin knew that he was handsome, smart, tall, excellent in the bedroom, and anything Levi ever wanted, he could get. However, there was one thing that the other man had that Erwin didn’t, and that was his right arm. The other man would be able to hold Levi properly, and touch him in ways Erwin would never be able to.

Erwin looked down at his stump, and frowned. He moved what remained of it, to prove to himself that he still had something there, wasn’t completely lacking. But why did it matter? Why did his lack of arm put him at a disadvantage? And why now? Why was he thinking of that as though it was a bad thing? Surely it showed he was... brave, and inspirational, and strong, and all that other bullshit they use to describe people with disabilities.

He was all those things, and he was better than that man. He had to be. Erwin would show Levi that, he would show him what he was missing out on. Now Erwin was sure of how he felt. It might have been confusing, really confusing, and it might have made him feel very wrong at first, but now he was certain that he had some level of attraction to Levi. Just seeing him in the restaurant, the dim light causing him to appear as though he was glowing, all soft edges and pale features, was enough to prove that much to Erwin, he realised now. Even the clothes he wore were attractive to him, showing off all the beautiful parts of the male body that Erwin had never appreciated before, and probably would never appreciate again after Levi, since he seemed to be completely one of a kind.

Erwin closed his eyes as he remembered what he wore. A lovely violet jumper pulled taut over lean muscle, a black shirt that contrasted magnificently with his snowy white skin, and black jeans so tight that the delicious curve of his ass was on full display. Levi had a gorgeous body, one which Erwin wanted to see spread out naked on his bed. He had, technically, in that wet dream of his, but he was certain that it would be far better in real life.

When he got home, the first thing he did was go upstairs. Armin was round Eren’s house for the night, a part of his routine that apparently Levi hadn’t taken notice of- probably because Armin hadn’t told him- so Erwin had the house to himself. His nanny was still on holiday, and wouldn’t be back til next week.

He logged onto his computer, and searched for Levi on pretty much any social network site he could think of. He wanted to find out his likes and dislikes so he could impress him. Not in a creepy stalker way, just in the way that he’d have a better understanding of what he was really like.

He only found him on Facebook, which meant he only had limited information, but it was enough.

The first thing he noticed about Levi’s profile was his picture. Erwin knew that even if he’d have found it a year ago, he still would have questioned his sexuality over it. Levi was stunning, his thin lips looking soft and luscious as they parted very slightly. His milky skin was even paler than usual, and he wore grassy green eye shadow, black eyeliner making his eyes look wide and innocent. Green swirled across his skin like vines, decorating his cheekbones and trailing down his neck. He wore a black flower crown, and matching bow tie, along with a khaki green shirt that appeared to have some sort of leafy pattern on it. The caption read **Halloween costume and make up sorted. Apparently I’m some sort of forest spirit?**

Regardless of what he was meant to be, he was gorgeous, and Erwin wanted to see that sight more often. There weren’t many other photos of him on his page, except for a group one with Hange, Petra, and a few men that Erwin didn’t recognise.

After about two hours on Levi’s Facebook page, Erwin entered the “About” section. He scrolled down through all the stuff he already knew, like Levi’s birthday (he’d found out it was Christmas when he found a post from Hange talking about it), and the fact that he was interested in men (it was quite obvious, even without the sandy haired man practically making out with him in front of Erwin’s poor eyes), and that he was an atheist. He came across the family section. Mikasa Ackerman was listed as his cousin. She was also an intern at Erwin’s company.

_It’s a small world, then._

There were only two other names on the list. Isabel Magnolia, a lively looking redhead who was apparently his sister, and Farlan Church, his brother.

“Farlan.” Erwin said out loud, exactly as Levi had said it almost three hours ago. Farlan was his brother, not his boyfriend. Erwin laughed loudly. He’d been quite stupid, then, hadn’t he? But, alongside the small embarrassed feeling he had, he felt relieved, as though a weight had been lifted off his chest.

As he scrolled back up the page, his relief was only increased by the fact he noticed Levi’s relationship status was listed as single. He hadn’t noticed it as it was lumped in with other information he already knew, but it was a great comfort, definitely.

He came off the computer, not even thinking to request Levi as a friend because that would be weird, and he took a shower. He was very happy. This meant that his wooing of Levi would be uninterrupted, with no competition. Levi _would_ fall for him, and they would be happy together, and Armin would finally be happy too because he’d been banging on about Erwin getting more friends. Granted, it wasn’t exactly what Armin had in mind, but it would be more stable than the previous relationships that Erwin had been in.

He went to bed with a renewed sense of confidence, and dreamt of black hair and silvery grey eyes.

 

The next morning, Erwin woke up to a knock on the door. He knew it must be Armin, and most likely Eren. It was far too early in the morning, but they both had school, so they needed to be up and about to prepare for it.

He went downstairs, still in his pyjamas, and opened the door. Armin and Eren were indeed there, looking excited as they spoke.

“Yeah, and he helped me with the science homework- the one about balancing equations.” Armin said to Eren, who looked in awe of whatever they were talking about.

“Really? So that’s why you were the only one in the class to get it all right.” Eren replied.

“Yep. Mr Ackerman is really smart. He also helped me write my monologue for English, and he taught me these words that he said were sure to help me get an A*.” his son smiled. Then he turned to him.

“Hey Dad! We were talking about Mr Ackerman. Eren’s sister is his cousin, and Eren has a cr-”

“Armin, you can’t say that! I told you not to tell anyone.” Eren whined.

“My dad isn’t gonna tell him, don’t worry.”

In that moment, Erwin, as stupid as it was, suddenly felt protective of Levi, almost possessive over him, at the insinuation that Eren had a crush on him. Obviously, even if it were true, which it probably was, Levi didn’t seem the kind of guy to go for fifteen year old boys, but there was still the fact that someone else had their eyes on him, someone other than Erwin. It only went to show how quickly Erwin had to move in order to be in with a chance. Levi clearly had many admirers, and although Erwin was confident in his chances, he didn’t want to risk it too much.

“No, I most certainly won’t.” he said, with a nod and a smile. Eren looked visibly relieved at that, and then he and Armin bid their farewells.

Once inside, after a few moments of Armin unpacking his bag, Erwin turned to him.

“What do you think of Levi? Like, honestly?”

Armin looked a little confused by the question, his watery blue eyes wide as he seemed to consider what his father had asked.

“I like him.” came the eventual answer.

“But why?” asked Erwin.

“I think Mr Ackerman is cool. He’s also very smart, and very kind when he wants to be. And, he treats me like I’m normal.” Armin replied.

“So, if he came to live with us permanently, you wouldn’t mind?” He might as well put all of his cards on the table. He had nothing to hide from his son, really.

“I- I- Uh, no. I wouldn’t mind. Why? Is Mr Ackerman coming to live with us, then? Or do you want him to? Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”

Erwin sighed, before smiling. “You know me well, son. Yes, I do. I want him to be my boyfriend, and I want him to come live with us, eventually. That’s what people do when they’re in love.”

Now, anyone might normally think that Erwin was moving far too quickly. He’d technically only known Levi for a week or two, and only known _of_   him for about two months. He hadn’t even confessed anything, but he was already making plans about living together with him, and telling his son that he was potentially in love. But, what he’d known since the beginning was that Levi was very interesting, and he’d drawn him in so easily, without probably even knowing about it. Levi continued to fascinate him, even now, and they had really been through a lot together. All of it had led to Erwin looking fondly upon Levi as someone to care for, someone to trust, and above all, someone important to his heart. There was just something about Levi which made Erwin question everything he’d ever known about himself, and he wanted him so bad. And as much as Levi’s arrival in his life had caused him to question many facts, there was one thing that he knew would never change and that was that Erwin always got what he wanted.

So he had to move fast, not just because the threat of another person taking him away was so high, but because that’s how Erwin worked. If he moved fast enough, it would be easy for him to catch Levi’s attention, and make him fall in love.

 

Little did he know that he’d pretty much already done that.

Levi was at home, after Farlan had gone. All he’d wanted was to deliver some gifts that Isabel had gotten for him, and say hello. Not to jump his bones or something.

He was in bed, thinking about the conversation he’d had on the way to the restaurant with Petra. What Hange had said, the fact that they and Petra thought Erwin and Levi made a good couple, was completely true, and Petra seemed to be doing everything in her power to convince Levi to make a move. But he was a coward at heart, in this department at least, and he enjoyed that night too much, even if it was just as friends. He didn’t want to miss out on something similar in the future, considering the facts. Erwin was probably straight, and had some beautiful girlfriend that was far better than a pasty, short guy with a foul mouth and even fouler moods. Levi was nothing; he wasn’t even a speck on Erwin’s radar. That’s how pathetic his situation was.

“Come on, you always tell us to live life with no regrets, and surely you’re going to regret never finding out if he’s into you.”

Petra had a point, a huge point, but Levi was convinced that it was a bad move. He’d definitely regret blowing everything he didn’t really have with Erwin just because he couldn’t control himself. Besides, they weren’t even really friends. He wasn’t sure what Erwin considered them to be, but he knew he saw the blond as a friend, and hopefully more. But he wasn’t ever going to make a move. If anything happened, it would be because of Erwin, not Levi. He’d experienced rejection far too many times in his life, and he wasn’t about to let it happen again.

He sighed, and rolled over. He’d just have to wait it out, not that that was going to be any fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, yes. I know this is far shorter than the other chapters, but I'm struggling with this fic. Again. My ideas are flowing, but I can't write it all properly.  
> Anyway, as usual, comments, kudos, etc., etc. are very, very, very much appreciated. All mistakes are my own.


	9. Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Levi have a date that's not a date, but obviously nothing goes right for our poor boys.

The next morning, Levi woke up to a text. He frowned at it through sleepy eyes.

**From Erwin:**

Would you like to come for coffee this morning? x

 

The thing that initially caught Levi’s eye was the kiss. He’d seen Erwin do it before, but assumed it was because of the situation. His heart leapt in his chest before he pulled himself together, and reminded himself that Erwin was probably just being friendly. Now, coffee. He didn’t actually like coffee, too bitter and it left a nasty taste in his mouth, but obviously Erwin was asking him out. As friends, not a date. Not a date.

**To Erwin:**

Don’t you have a job or something?

 

He couldn’t help being so sassy sounding. He was curious. However, Levi was worried when Erwin didn’t reply immediately. He sat up in bed, waiting anxiously for the next message. When his phone vibrated in his hand, and the name Erwin flashed up at the top along with the little message icon, Levi’s heart beat wildly. He opened the message, and sort of smiled with relief.

**From Erwin:**

I do, but my morning is free. x

 

Again with the kiss. Levi felt almost uncomfortable. This was technically everything he wanted. Erwin, asking him out for a drink, with a kiss at the end of his texts. But, it was wrong. Because Erwin didn’t mean the kisses like that, he was just being friendly. And Erwin didn’t want to take him out for a date, it was just a drink between friends.

**To Erwin:**

Sure. Where are we going?

 

 

The coffee shop that Erwin wanted to meet at was the café where it all began. Naturally Petra was working this morning, but Levi found himself thanking all the gods he could name that Hange wasn’t also working. He didn’t think he could stand the two of them watching while he embarrassed himself with Erwin.

Erwin met him outside, wearing what had to be the best outfit Levi had seen him in so far. His chest was barely contained by the deep blue shirt that he wore, it looked a little small for him so strained to cover powerful muscles. As he had done at the restaurant, he had the top two buttons undone, which meant his chest was on display even more. The sleeve of his missing arm had been rolled up further than the other arm, but the top half of Erwin’s body still looked delicious. The bottom half was just as good, since he wore dark jeans, ones which looked snug around his thighs and also afforded Levi a view of something else. Levi didn’t often look at other men’s cocks, because for as much as he was interested in men, he wasn’t really into that side of things. Regardless, he could tell that Erwin was ridiculously well hung.

_It’s like he’s trying to tease me._

Once inside, and after Erwin had opened the door for him like a gentleman, they had sat down at Levi’s usual table by the window.

“So, how have you been?” Erwin asked, smiling. Levi shrugged.

“Same old, same old.” he said. He was truly very nervous about this, because even though it wasn’t a date, it felt sort of like one. Erwin definitely looked as though he thought the same.

“I’ve been great, thanks.” Erwin smiled, after an awkward moment of silence. Levi felt his cheeks flush. He hadn’t meant to be rude, he just forgot to ask. Erwin didn’t look too bothered by it, though, and carried on the conversation. He asked a lot about Levi, which made him feel... like he was important, or something. It was weird.

They were doing really well, and Levi had just become comfortable with the situation when it became horrid. He was simply watching the way that the muscles in Erwin’s lower arm tensed and relaxed when he saw it. It was, rather unsurprisingly, a flea. It crawled up Erwin's shirt and stayed there for a moment or two before bouncing off. Levi sat dead still, eyes wide in horror.

“-you okay? Levi? What’s wrong?”

Erwin’s words managed to catch his attention, and he looked up at him.

“No, no. Fine. Need to, uh, fuck. Wait a minute.” he said, standing up. He made his way over to the counter, where Petra stood, smiling.

“Hey, how are you and... _Daddy_?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Levi shook his head. “Not now, sorry. Look, can I-”

“Go out the back?” Petra interrupted, suddenly tense as she realised what was going on.

Levi nodded in response, and then made his way round to the door, where Petra met him. She led him to the bathroom, where he was pushed onto the toilet seat.

“Deep breaths, Levi. You know there’s nothing there.” she said, hands on his shoulders.

It should have been him comforting her, that’s all he could think. It’s all he could ever think, in fact, whenever his friends had to look after him like that. He hated it, he hated being pathetic and weak and reliant on the people that he should be protecting. But how could he protect anyone when he couldn’t even look after himself or trust in anything he saw and felt?

“Petra, I’m fine.” he said, looking up at her. She was so kind to him, she always was, and he didn’t deserve it. He barely tried to get better, not even going to talk to a shrink like everyone wanted. He really didn’t deserve it.

“You aren’t. Just sit here for a moment, I’ll go tell-”

“No, don’t you dare tell Erwin!” Levi hissed. He frowned at her. “If you tell him anything, I won’t be able to talk to him again.”  


“I’ll simply tell him you were choking or something.” Petra smiled. She released Levi’s shoulders, before letting herself out of the bathroom.

He sat there for a while, shaking a little. It was horrid, the fact being that he couldn’t even go on a date-that’s-not-a-date like a normal person without being plagued by hallucinations. He was pathetic, completely and utterly so.

\---

Her name was something nice, and flowery. Levi didn’t quite know why he was being led into a meeting room, but the woman with him seemed friendly enough. He was a smart kid, but it didn’t cross his mind that his school might want to give him some sort of mental help. Anyone could see he was troubled, though. Dark circles under his eyes, tired manner, general apathy for everything. He knew himself there was something wrong, but he couldn't place it.

“Hi, Levi.” the woman smiled. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” Levi replied, arranging the blocks on the table. He didn’t know why he was doing it; it just made him feel better that they were in order.

“So, your teachers tell me you’re having a little bit of trouble at home?”

Well, if having both siblings taken away from you, and being forced to live with an arsehole of an uncle was trouble, then yes. Levi did have trouble at home.

“Not really. It’s okay, I guess.” he lied. The woman smiled again, a nice wide one that showed off her teeth, and looked down at his hands.

“I see you’re playing with the toys I set out.”

_I’m not five, please shut up._

“Yeah.”

“Levi, can I ask, what happened to your fingers?”  
Levi looked down at them, and shrugged. He had a nasty habit of picking at the skin around his nails. It was unhygienic, and quite disgusting, but it was a habit he couldn’t break. It didn’t even help calm him down, it was just something he did.

He looked hard at the woman. She seemed really nice.  
“I picked at ‘em.”

“You did? Even your thumb?”

“Yeah, it fucking hurt.” he replied, keeping his eyes trained on the sore looking bit of skin he could see.

“Why?”

Because of that question, he told the woman everything, every single detail of what he was struggling with. 

It was the first time anyone had ever looked sorry for him. But definitely, definitely not the last.

\---

The door opened, and Petra entered, that permanent smile still plastered on her face.

“He’s okay.” she said. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” Levi replied. “I’m okay.”

He stood up, and walked out of the bathroom. He wasn’t sure how he was going to carry on acting like a normal person when he actually just wanted to die. But he did, he sat down and smiled at Erwin.

“Sorry about that.” he said.

“Don’t worry about it, Petra told me everything.”Erwin replied.

Levi froze, staring at Erwin. He worried that Petra had done what she said she wouldn’t do.

“About your... asthma? I think that’s what she said. Said the dust round our table was irritating it. She even got out one of those hand held vacuums.” Erwin seemed like he was pretty impressed by how Petra managed the whole thing, but Levi was completely amazed by it. She was too good for him, honestly. She looked after him so well, cleaning up so that he wouldn’t worry.

“Ah, yeah.” Levi said, nodding.

It got pretty awkward after that, until they got drinks. Levi went up to the counter to order what he knew they’d both want- he’d memorised Erwin’s order after all- and sat down to wait.

“Do you really have asthma?” Erwin asked, pretty randomly. Levi wasn’t sure how to respond to that, he couldn’t lie.

“No.” he replied, truthfully. He looked straight into Erwin’s eyes. They were very blue, too blue perhaps, and he felt like he could see into him.

“Then what happened? Did you- Did I upset you? Was I overwhelming you, perhaps?” Erwin asked, ever the gentleman.

“No, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Then what-”

“Leave it.”

Erwin’s face fell, he looked almost hurt. Levi couldn’t blame him, he was trying to be nice after all, and all he got in return was snappy answers and rudeness.

“Sorry. Look, I just have some... problems, okay? I’ll tell you when I can, but right now, it’s hard.” Levi said, trying to sound sincere. It was hard, considering his skin was itching and he wanted to crawl out of it.

Erwin looked at Levi, eyes almost penetrating. He considered, before nodding. “I understand.”

They sat for a moment or two, before Petra arrived with their drinks. She was nice enough, but Levi just kept zoning out. He was tired, oh so tired, and he wanted to go away, fall asleep forever, and never have to think about anything again. Not the fleas, not himself and how pathetic and stupid he is, not Hange, not Petra, not even Erwin fucking Smith and his lovely smiles and pretty eyes. Not anything at all.

“I’m sorry. I need to go.” Levi said. He stood up, walked out, and didn’t look back. He didn’t want to do anything. He just wanted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is horrid. I can't write any more. Yay for me. :))))))))) What even is a plot? lol  
> This is probably gonna get a little darker. As I've mentioned previously, this story is partly therapy for me, since a lot of the things that happen are based on real life. So, to keep up with current events, it will be getting a lot more depressing, although that won't impact on the relationship. That will be the only good thing that happens, in Levi's eyes.  
> The first part of this story was about Erwin realising who he was as a person. This new part (as indicated by the change in chapter names) is mainly focused on Levi's growth, although whether it's positive or negative remains to be seen. Anyway, expect a lot more flashes to his past. They're important, and relate to how he is now as a person. Well, in this fic anyway.


	10. Cut Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As horrid as his life can be, Levi finds out that actually it can sometimes be okay.
> 
> Trigger warnings for:  
> -Self harm (in a way. It's not conscious really)  
> -Mentions of suicide.  
> -General horrible patterns of thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, kiddos, this is a weak chapter, but like... I need to get back into this.   
> I felt so bad writing about Armin because *spoiler alert for chap82* he's a little crispy cinnamon roll now. RIP blond coconut baby.   
> Anyway, sorry for how long it's been since I last updated, I have, as you can probably tell by the contents of this chapter, had a lot going on for me.  
> As I often like to point out, this is based on real events, but loosely. By which I mean, generally the things that happen here happen similarly in real life, but not exactly the same. So, yes. :)  
> I've also been having technology issues, so this chapter is completely raw. No spellcheck, no nothing. >.> If you spot a mistake, or even awkward wording, please tell me!

A few weeks passed by, and Levi felt as though he was slowly getting worse and worse. He was anxious at the slightest little thing, and he was hallucinating far more than he used to. It wasn't just fleas anymore, it was other insects and shadows too, and his anger at himself and others was increasing. He'd gone back to how he used to be, distant, blunt, hard to talk to. It was horrid, particularly for people like Hange who were just trying to help him.

That was the thing though. It was all very well and good that his friends were trying to help him, but quite honestly, there was no official help he could really get. He was on waiting lists for various counsellors and therapists and psychiatrists and god knows who else, and he had been for months. But there was nothing that anyone could do immediately, and it was frustrating him. It was like no one cared because he was 'coping'. That obviously meant that he hadn't tried to kill himself or whatever, hadn't turned to drink or drugs. He was functioning- barely. 

He sat on his chair, legs up on the arm because he didn't want his feet touching the floor. Sawney and Bean were chasing each other, and every time one of them scratched themselves, he was convinced it was because they were crawling with fleas. Stupid, really fucking stupid, he knew, but he couldn't help it. He was sure they were everywhere, and he didn't want to risk getting them on him. Even though he'd cleaned the flat from top to bottom almost twice now every day, he still wasn't sure that there were no fleas.

His phone buzzed, dragging him out of his obsessive train of thought.  
It was Erwin, and Levi replied immediately. They hadn't met up since the incident at the cafe, but Erwin was weirdly consistent with messaging him, and they'd become really friendly. To be quite honest, their friendship was one of the few things left in the world that Levi actually enjoyed, one of the few things he could use to escape. They spoke about anything and everything, and Levi had grown even more attached to the blond. He really liked talking to him, because Erwin didn't know anything about how fucked up he was. Erwin just assumed he was a little different, and that was good because he didn't want Erwin to pity him, well, pity him any more than he already did after the panic attack. He still had feelings for Erwin, of course, but had given up on even trying to pursue a relationship. He was content with settling for what they had now. 

Erwin didn't reply again after that, he was obviously busy at work, and Levi turned his phone off. He sighed to himself, and stared upwards, trying to look at the tiny cracks in the paint of the ceiling. There weren't many, but it was enough to distract him while Hange was out at work. They'd be back soon, and then he'd be able to use them as a distraction. They were far too good for him, and he was completely in their debt. He would make it up to them one day, when he was better. 

A flea crawled up his arm, and he raised it up in the air, watching the black speck crawling up and bouncing across his pale skin. He was so tired of life he'd forgotten how to be afraid of them, instead he just accepted it with a weary resignation that was more suited to a war-hardened old man than a young man who should be in the prime of his life.

He watched the flea bite into him, and then he watched it disappear, shadows appearing in the corner of his eyes as though there was something there, watching him. The clock ticked on, time passed, and he sighed loudly again. This wasn't like him- giving up- this wasn't like him at all. But there's only so much one person could take, and he felt as though he'd reached his limit. He was so full of anger, fear, and sadness that he'd repressed it all, becoming just a shell, the bare minimum of a human. It was better than anything else he could think to do right now. 

Levi shut his eyes, bored of staring at the blank white ceiling that only served to remind him of how empty his life was right now. He wished that there was something he could do, to stop his anxiety, to stop his compulsions, and most of all, to stop his hallucinations. He was sick of it all, so fucking sick of it, and it was as though no one could do anything about it. He'd have to take drastic action before anyone considered him nearly serious enough to want to help, and he quite honestly wasn't strong enough to carry on without doing so.

There was no way he'd kill himself, that was for certain. He didn't want to die, he was just sick of living life as he was right now. He knew one day it'd be better, and besides, he didn't want to leave anyone behind, he didn't want to waste his life. 

But he could hurt himself. He could hurt himself and that would show that he was struggling, because clearly, how he was right now wasn't enough in the eyes of professionals. He couldn't do something like that, though, couldn't stand the blow to his pride that it would have. Levi was strong, and he knew it, in the back of his mind, even if he had pretty much given up. Hurting himself would only show his weakness.

Wouldn't it?

"Levi, what have you done?" Hange asked, voice filled with confusion and fear. They actually sounded quite horrified, and he was a little scared himself, hearing them sound like that. He was confused why they sounded like that, though, because he had no idea what was going on. What were they talking about?

As he turned to look at them, he caught sight of where he was and realised he wasn't in the living room. He was standing by the sink, and his head snapped back to look at the white hot pain in his hand. There was a shard of glass, and he was squeezing it, squeezing it so tight that his knuckles were practically glowing white, blood dripping down his hand. 

The glass dropped into the sink with a clatter as he instinctively let go, and he turned back to Hange, to see their face pale with fright.

"I don't know." he replied, staring at them with blank grey eyes.

 

***

 

Petra put on one of her weird 90s pop music CDs in the car, singing along and encouraging both Levi and Hange to sing along too. She was trying very hard to keep the mood light, although both Levi and Hange were acting as though they'd been in a war of some sort, thousand yard stare meaning their focus was well away from Destiny's Child or Spice Girls or whoever the fuck was blasting out of the car radio.

At the hospital, Levi was led to a minor injuries unit where his hand was cleaned and bandaged, and then he was asked to wait for an hour or two before one of the mental health specialists could talk to him. Hange had apparently snapped out of their panic from earlier, and was chatting along happily to Petra, although anyone with eyes could have seen that both of them were nervous for Levi. 

Hange had been his friend since secondary school, so since the age of 11, and they'd been with him through some of the darkest points in his life, including when he'd finally been kicked out of his uncle's house. They'd seen him through everything, and he'd never been quite so low as he was now. It was hard to tell if he'd intentionally cut himself, though, which is why they'd been so worried. If it was intentional, then clearly he needed help. If he didn't realise what he was doing, but was acting on subconscious desires, then he also clearly needed help. Either way, the hospital was the best place for him right now, so Hange could at least get a little advice on how to help out their roommate, and best friend. 

Petra was also pretty scared for Levi, since she wasn't quite sure what the full extent of his mental health problems were. Of course, she knew about most of it, but if he was depressed or suicidal, then she felt as though she could have done more to help. He was such a strong man, so obviously and blatantly so that it was hard to imagine him with any problems, let alone the ones he had, and the reason for that was because he was good at hiding them from people. It had been a long time before he'd admitted anything to her, and that was only because Hange had prompted him. Right now, she was worried that he'd finally snapped. 

He came out of the small room like a ghost, pale and weak looking. It didn't suit him at all.

"So, what'd the doc say? Eat well, sleep well, and exercise more?" Hange asked, making fun of what doctors usually said. "Oh, wait, even better, did they suggest meditation?"

"Nah, I have to find somewhere better to stay. Apparently it's 'not safe for me to be in an environment where I'm at risk of hallucinating'. But, I don't know where to go." Levi replied, face still blank and indifferent. This was what he used to be like, when he was younger and living with his uncle. 

"Stay with me." Petra immediately offered. She had a room that he sometimes stayed in anyway, so it wouldn't be any different to usual. 

Hange nodded at Levi, to show they approved of it. 

"Thanks." he said.

 

***

 

The drive home was quiet, Petra had pretty much given up on trying to cheer them all up. Hange was dropped off at the flat, and they'd brought out a bag full of clothes and other things for him to take with him to Petra's. He thanked them as sincerely as he could, and waved sadly as Petra drove him to her own flat.

"Levi..." she said, looking at him through the mirror. "You don't have to answer, but I just want to know... Did you cut yourself on purpose?"

Levi hesitated before shaking his head. He looked out the window, ignoring anything else that was said after that.

 

***

 

He slept well that night, surprisingly, longer than he had in weeks. The room he was in was safe, away from Hange's cats, away from the fleas he knew weren't there, away from any other imagined stress that was threatening to mess with his head. 

"Morning!" Petra said when he finally trudged out of there to get breakfast.

"Morning." he replied, sitting down at her little dining table. 

"How did you sleep?" she asked, cocking her head at him. She brought two cups of tea over and sat down across from him.

Levi shrugged. "Pretty well." 

Sipping at her tea, Petra nodded. "Good." She seemed like she wanted to say something, so he raised an eyebrow at her, a sign she could say whatever.

"Would you like to help out at the cafe today?" she asked, hesitantly.

_No, no I don't._

"Sure. Whatever." Levi replied, holding his cup awkwardly by the rim as usual. He took a sip of his tea, and ended up downing the whole thing. 

Petra stared at him. "Do you want something to eat?"

_No, no I don't._

"Sure." Levi repeated, nodding slowly. 

Petra got up and made him a slice of toast, buttering it before putting jam on it. Levi hated toast like that, but he was too tired to make a fuss about it. He ate it, all of it, barely noticing the taste of the butter or jam. 

"Thanks." he said, after finishing. He meant it, and not just for the toast and tea. He meant it for everything, for taking him in and being so damn patient with him when he honestly didn't deserve it.

She seemed to understand that, and nodded. "No problem. I'm sure anyone would do the same."

Levi didn't agree, but he wasn't going to tell Petra that.

 

***

 

"This is Auruo, Eld, and Gunther." Petra said, introducing Levi to the three men he'd be working with that day. 

"Yeah." Levi said, nodding. He'd seen them working here sometimes, but wasn't sure of their names.

"Ha, Auruo's finally gotten to meet his idol." Gunther grinned, elbowing Eld, who chuckled.

Auruo was red in the face. "Fuck off, idiots. He's not my idol!"

Levi felt slightly uncomfortable, because he wasn't quite sure how to take that, the idea that one of the guys he'd be working with idolised him. And he knew it was true, since Petra had warned him that morning about how Auruo liked to act like him because he thought it was cool.

The morning was relatively uneventful, and Levi found his mind wandering pretty often. He wondered what was going on, because he felt like he was sort of living in a dream. It was weird, but just the change in scenario was having a positive effect on him, he could now see the good of things. It was starting to freak him out, honestly. 

The inside of the cafe, for example, seemed to have some sort of artsy, warm filter on it, because it looked like it was glowing.The flowers in the corners of the room looked bright and colourful, and Levi felt as though he could smell them better, same with the food and drinks he was serving. He was even able to act vaguely decent towards his coworkers, even talking to Auruo for a few minutes about nothing in particular. 

It was like he was high, that's what it was.

He knew he wasn't, of course, he just put it down to the fact that he'd slept well last night for the first time in weeks, and he was finally comfortable in the place he was. It was just affecting his view on everything else, because he was less stressed, and able to appreciate things more. It was a shame he couldn't stay with Petra permanently, to be quite honest, because it would have helped immensely.

 

***

 

Eren came into the cafe, at about lunchtime, with Armin and Mikasa. 

"Hey, Levi. I didn't know you worked here." he said, beaming. He seemed so fucking happy to see him, it made Levi feel odd.

"I don't." he replied, waiting expectantly for the three kids to order.

"Then, uh, why are you here?" Eren asked. 

He was a good kid, Levi knew, despite his faults and he had to admit that Eren reminded him of Isabel in many ways. Always full of energy and fire, but also sort of vulnerable. That's why Levi did worry about him sometimes, even though their only reason for knowing each other was Mikasa. He worried about both of them, to be quite honest, because he knew what it was like to have no one that cared. Sure they had Grisha and Carla, but last he heard, Carla was sick and Grisha was out of town. It wasn't exactly the best environment for kids.

"Eren, stop asking him so many questions. I think he's ill at the moment, that's what my dad said, because he hasn't returned any of his calls." Armin said, nudging Eren in the ribs with his elbow. 

Levi frowned. He hadn't gotten any calls from Erwin, had he? Now he thought about it, he remembered his phone was off. Shit. That was probably why.

"I'm not ill. And I'm sorry I haven't called your dad back, I've been a little busy." he said.

Armin nodded. He looked as though he understood, which wouldn't surprise Levi. He was a smart kid, and pretty damn perceptive too. 

"So, anyway, can we have three milkshakes, please?" Eren asked. 

"Yeah, hang on." Levi said. He turned to Auruo. "Take their order." he called. The taller man rushed over, as though he was desperate to please him.

"What can I get you brats?" Auruo asked, pouting in a way that made him look utterly ridiculous. Levi knew it was meant to replicate his own look, which was partly flattering, partly terrifying.

Levi observed the cafe from the sidelines. He saw the three kids, smiling and laughing away, his coworkers also chatting and enjoying their work, hell, even he was sort of enjoying himself. Nothing was really okay, but right now, it seemed like it was. Levi was surrounded by people he knew cared for him, and people who he actually cared for too. He was definitely in a better place, that was for sure. For the first time in a long while, Levi felt like he could manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was shit, huh?   
> As usual, comments, kudos, etc., etc., are welcome.  
> I'm also gonna start directing you all to my tumblr, because I would enjoy it if people were to chat with me about snk and shipping and theories and stuff. See, I am friendly. Lol.  
> My tumblr is crazymamahorseface.tumblr.com  
> Do with that what you will.


End file.
